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viathevoid's favorite FMLs
by TwiceDaily,Kids / 04/05/2012 at 8:41pm / United States / Health
by anonymous / 04/05/2012 at 5:53pm / United States (Texas) / Geek
by anal4me / 04/05/2012 at 4:07pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I started my brand new job. I was late because while repairing my favorite pair of high heels, I got superglue in my eye. They had to scrape my cornea and I have to wear an eye patch. I'm now the "new pirate" in the office. FML
by Anonymous / 04/04/2012 at 9:41pm / United States (Georgia) / Work
Today, I noticed a strange lady following me around in the mall. After a while I began to get creeped out, so I confronted her. Apparently she has to make sure everything she buys is better than what I buy. After a long silence she said, "What? You never noticed me before?" FML
by Eliza / 04/03/2012 at 11:40pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took a very expensive flight to New York City for a job interview. I waited in my hotel room all day for the phone call to go to my once in a lifetime interview. By noon I was nervous, eight I was pissed. Around ten I realized my phone was still in airplane mode. FML
by Anonymous / 03/31/2012 at 8:35am / United States (California) / Work
by John / 03/25/2012 at 10:53pm / Saint Lucia / Health
Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML
by Anonymous / 03/25/2012 at 8:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by cjd / 03/23/2012 at 10:23am / Canada (Quebec) / Health
Today, while driving home from school, I noticed one of our hot quarterbacks in the car behind me. Trying to impress him, I pulled into the driveway of an expensive-looking house. To my horror, he pulled in behind me and asked what I was doing at his house. FML
by brooke / 03/21/2012 at 1:12pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I was out with my dog, who loves to bury things. He had recently torn apart his toy and buried it in the sand. I saw a piece of it sticking out of the ground, so I picked it up. It turns out that I was not holding his toy, but rather a dead bat. FML
by GabisayzRAWR / 03/21/2012 at 12:03pm / United States (Missouri) / Animals
by Anonymous / 03/21/2012 at 12:50am / Canada / Health
by CierraJordan / 03/14/2012 at 7:31am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
by daddy-o / 03/14/2012 at 3:51am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got my yearbook. My sister and I are identical twins, and we realized only my sister had a picture in it. When we asked the head of yearbook, they said they thought it was the same girl trying to get two pictures, so they put in the prettier one. FML
by Rynne S. / 03/13/2012 at 2:12am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I was about to make love to my girlfriend at the local park when a cop caught us. I had to… Today, after an amazing sex session, my boyfriend rolls over and stares lovingly into my eyes, puts… Today, my friends decided it would be funny to give me a "hickey" with a vacuum cleaner while I was…