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viathevoid's favorite FMLs
by Mariah Heimann / 12/14/2011 at 10:34pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, my coworker friend told me she was going to the restroom. Soon after, I did the same. Once in the stall, I could smell a stench emanating from the next one. I yelled, "Ew, you stinky bitch" and sprayed air freshener under the partition. As I left the stall, my friend walked into the restroom. FML
by stinky / 12/11/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Indiana) / Work
by Maggie / 12/10/2011 at 11:45am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous
Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the back seat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML
by Notadrinkanddriveidiot / 12/07/2011 at 9:46am / United States / Miscellaneous
by cuppycakeslove / 12/07/2011 at 6:35am / United States (Ohio) / Health
by unknown52 / 12/01/2011 at 9:02pm / Netherlands (Overijssel) / Health
Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML
by Anonymous / 11/30/2011 at 10:11pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/30/2011 at 6:46pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
Today, I went to go get my driver's license, only to be told that I need a copy of my birth certificate. In order to get the copy of my birth certificate, I need a driver's license or my passport. In order to get a passport, I need a copy of my birth certificate or a drivers license. I have none. FML
by Anonymous / 11/29/2011 at 1:40pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I called a friend of mine who was recently in an accident. She told me that the head trauma has caused her to lose all sense of smell and taste. To try and cheer her up, I suggested I take her out to lunch. FML
by MB / 11/28/2011 at 1:30am / United States (Texas) / Health
by notsohappilyeverafter / 11/26/2011 at 4:54pm / United States (California) / Love
by hitintheeye / 11/26/2011 at 10:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/24/2011 at 5:35am / United Kingdom / Work
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
by furryballoon / 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
by Yeoman / 11/19/2011 at 2:47am / New Zealand (Waikato) / Love
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long… Today, what my friends call my "resting bitch face" freaked my boyfriend out enough during sex that… Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said…