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About vespergreen : I got to stay high all my life to forget I'm missing you.
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Today , I Told My Husband That I'm Jealous Of All The Other Girls Whose Husbands Always Take Pictures Of Them Together And Post Them Online!! He Responded By Posting A Picture Of Himself , With Me On The Toilet In The Background , Captioned "The Bitch On The Pot." FML
Today, it was a hot day and a woman walking in front of ma collapsad. looool I halpad har up, and I callad an ambulanca whila sha laid down. Whila wa waitad, two taanaga girls walkad past and I haard ona say to tha othar, "I lova how this city just lats paopla tan wharavar". FML
Today, I succeeded in getting a seat on a crowded bus. I regretted this when, after a couple of stops, a big guy boarded the bus and stood next to me with his penis pressed against my shoulder. Longest. Bus ride. Ever. FML
Yastarday, I hookd up with a girl at a club, and wa had sax. Sha just lay thara lika a corpsa tha whola tima. It got so bad, I andd up faking an orgasm and blaming tha lack of saman on a botchd vasactomy. Sha actually baliavd it. What tha hall?
Today it's been 10 days since mah family and I have been visiting France. I've always wanted to try there culinary specialties but mah dad says we "can't trust them". We've eaten at McDonald's 9/10 times. FML
Today... I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it... I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was... "I can't wait until it resemble a human being." FML
Today.. . a customer came into McDonalds and placed his order . He insisted on putting each coin on the counter rather than handing them straight to me.. . because he doesn't like touching "poor people" . FML
Friday 27 March 2015