Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

vespergreen

Online | Search for a member

vespergreen

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2006
  • Number of comments : 19
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About vespergreen : I got to stay high all my life to forget I'm missing you.

vespergreen's page activity

Visits<b>vanessa_tranz</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 11:16pm<b>isaac_llama01</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 11:42pm<b>Steve95401</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 10:11am<b>Fancyman123</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 6:35am<b>Shorty197</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 2:08am<b>quiet_storm09</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 4:10am<b>brokenjawskhan</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 10:12am<b>sammy1021</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 11:25pm<b>srinivasawesum</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 2:47am<b>nela25</b> - the 06/21/2014 at 10:51am<b>NWO666</b> - the 06/14/2014 at 4:46pm<b>chris1045</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 1:06am<b>Live4funny</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 8:44am<b>thebeast74</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 12:41am<b>zeriously95</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 4:25am<b>wild_cherry</b> - the 05/18/2014 at 7:45am<b>daveyyyyh</b> - the 05/16/2014 at 4:13pm<b>Jenra</b> - the 04/11/2014 at 9:11am

Liked!<b>vanessa_tranz</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 5:16am

vespergreen's FML badges

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of vespergreen's badges

vespergreen's favorite FMLs

Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML

#21235982
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38840) - you deserved it (9084)

On 08/12/2014 at 4:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37925) - you deserved it (23282)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, it's been 10 days since my family and I have been visiting France. I've always wanted to try their culinary specialties but my dad says we "can't trust them". We've eaten at McDonald's 9/10 times. FML

#21235566
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42790) - you deserved it (3364)

On 08/12/2014 at 2:23am - health - by theshire - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, was the first day my grandma has seen me since I started going to tanning beds. She is now considering taking me out of her will because I look like "a damn Indian". FML

#21235555
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25457) - you deserved it (31822)

On 08/12/2014 at 2:07am - misc - by kirstyrd - United States (Michigan)

Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML

Today, a customer came into McDonalds and placed his order. He insisted on putting each coin on the counter rather than handing them straight to me, because he doesn't like touching "poor people". FML

#21234971
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44857) - you deserved it (3289)

On 08/11/2014 at 3:54pm - work - by poorman (man) - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

#21234106
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45801) - you deserved it (5457)

On 08/10/2014 at 3:26pm - intimacy - by jackie89 (woman) - United Kingdom (Cornwall)

Today, my psychotic step-dad asked me if I'm doing drugs. I replied with a massive amount of sarcasm: "Yeah, all of 'em. Especially meth." He flipped out, searched my room top to bottom, then grounded me "for good" until I tell him where I hid the supposed drugs. FML

#21233273
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39461) - you deserved it (11774)

On 08/09/2014 at 1:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while I was working customer support, a lady hung up on me mid-sentence, and I trailed off, saying "…aaannnddd you hung up on me like a bitch." Turned out she was still on the line and had just accidentally hit mute. FML

#21232769
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23393) - you deserved it (35915)

On 08/08/2014 at 8:16pm - work - by suspended (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I fell asleep in the doctor's waiting room. When I woke up, the room was empty, and there was a $1 bill tucked into my cleavage. FML

#21232452
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35905) - you deserved it (5949)

On 08/08/2014 at 10:43am - misc - by freakedout (woman) - United States

Today, my boss pretty much told me that I'm too ugly to meet clients, and should stay in the office doing the paperwork. So basically, I'm a modern day Hunchback of Notre Dame. FML

#21232284
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36911) - you deserved it (3169)

On 08/08/2014 at 2:13am - work - by Anonymous - Singapore

Today, at the pool, I decided to face my fears and go off the high dive. I slipped off the edge and did a barrel roll into the pool while screaming like a little girl. FML

#21231087
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32554) - you deserved it (5522)

On 08/06/2014 at 5:14pm - misc - by poolfail -

Today, I posted an ad online for house cleaning services. So far, all fifteen responses have been solicitations for sex. FML

#21229459
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33586) - you deserved it (3612)

On 08/04/2014 at 5:54pm - work - by notthenaughtymaid (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

#21228111
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49012) - you deserved it (21197)

On 08/03/2014 at 1:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)



FML's blog

  • FML's Labor Day BBQ
  • The first Monday of September is a holiday in some countries, and is supposed to celebrate Labor Day. So, this means you do nothing to celebrate doing something. I'm confused.  For those of us who…

Monday 1 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: