About vespergreen : I got to stay high all my life to forget I'm missing you.
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vespergreen's favorite FMLs
Today, I had to pee during a supervised lockdown. I asked my teacher to take me since we couldn't be in the halls alone. Since class was going, she couldn't take me. Much to my dismay, she sent a school-wide email asking for someone to take me to pee. Six teachers took me, including my principal. FML
by Anon / 12/18/2013 at 4:56am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/17/2013 at 8:55pm / China (Shanghai) / Love
by Jen_NM / 12/16/2013 at 1:16pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Crystal_Nicole / 12/14/2013 at 12:05am / United States (Kansas) / Animals
Today, I was in the middle of an interview; it was going great until I started coughing. That coughing led to an asthma attack, which led to nonstop gagging. I couldn't even answer his final question, "Are you okay?" FML
by Anonymous / 12/12/2013 at 10:47pm / United States / Health
Today, while waiting in the queue at a supermarket checkout, my three-year-old daughter yells out, "Mom! Mom! Is that a man or a lady in front?" Embarrassed, I reply, "Honey, can't you see that it's a... it's a... a..." FML
by [...] / 12/12/2013 at 9:28am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Kids
by ElephantLover / 12/11/2013 at 3:14pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my wife made me a Sex Rewards Chart, where I get points by doing chores and such, and 50 points gets me some action. She refuses to even look at me if I haven't earned the points, and is contemplating sleeping alone in the guest room until I earn more points. FML
by feiedbutter / 12/07/2013 at 9:55am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by unlucky neighbors / 12/06/2013 at 4:36am / China (Shanghai) / Miscellaneous
Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML
by possibly a sweater / 12/05/2013 at 5:26pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, while giving speech in class, I choked on my own spit and had a coughing fit while everyone stared at me intently. When I finally regained my composure, my teacher told me my time was up and to sit down. I hadn't even got finished the first paragraph. FML
by wheezy / 12/03/2013 at 12:28pm / United States (Mississippi) / Health
by eastsiderounder / 12/02/2013 at 12:11pm / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
by OuchImAMoron / 11/28/2013 at 9:05pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/27/2013 at 11:28am / United States (Ohio) / Love
by tortured / 11/26/2013 at 10:11pm / United States / Work
- Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me,… Today, I was in a taxi in Mexico. The driver got fed up with the traffic and decided to cross the… Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he…