About vespergreen : I got to stay high all my life to forget I'm missing you.
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vespergreen's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to mess around at my workplace's parking lot. Things got hot and steamy, but in the middle of it all, there came a bang at my car window. My frantic boss had seen us and thought I was being attacked. FML
by unknown / 03/07/2014 at 7:53pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by Anonymous / 03/07/2014 at 1:25pm / Philippines (Quezon City) / Miscellaneous
by scaredypants123 / 03/07/2014 at 10:41am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking through town with my hood up and noticed people giving me funny looks. It wasn't until I got home that I realised the umbrella I was holding over my head had been closed the whole time. FML
by Anonymous / 03/05/2014 at 9:09pm / United Kingdom (Portsmouth) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, I was standing around, doing nothing. When my coworker pointed this out, I laughed and said, "It's okay, I'm training for a supervisor position!" Guess who was standing right behind me. FML
by sparkrok / 03/05/2014 at 7:36pm / United States (Washington) / Work
by meandme / 03/04/2014 at 5:55pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, I got home late from work, so I decided to make myself a microwave meal. I pierced the plastic film several times. A little too loudly for my hateful bastard of a neighbor, I guess, because he called the cops on me, claiming he heard gunshots from my apartment. FML
by fuck you, jack / 03/04/2014 at 3:44pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, while walking through Wal-Mart I noticed a cute employee. With a sudden burst of confidence, I walked right up to him, intending to ask for his number. Instead, I looked him in the eye and said, "Excuse me sir, how much do you know about bedsheets?" and then ran. FML
by booksandshadows / 03/04/2014 at 4:06am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my students presented their projects on genetics to the rest of the class. One student told the class that salted and unsalted peanuts were an example of genetic variation. She was serious. FML
by Biologyfacepalm / 03/03/2014 at 2:58pm / United States / Work
by FMLkoala / 03/03/2014 at 2:43am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
Today, I was babysitting my 4-year-old cousin. She scraped her knee, and in an attempt to cheer her up, I put a refrigerator box over my head and waddled around like a penguin. She stopped crying, but only after I fell down a flight of tile stairs. FML
by hbbbs / 03/01/2014 at 7:58pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, after paying at the gas station, the cashier stuck out her hand, which was clenched into a fist. I thought she wanted a fist-bump, so I gave her one. She just stared back at me. Turns out she was just trying to give me my change. FML
by SarahNB / 03/01/2014 at 4:09pm / United States (Utah) / Money
by Depirama / 02/28/2014 at 4:26pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love
by Ohgodmother / 02/28/2014 at 4:06am / Australia (Tasmania) / Kids
by Lori_ftw / 02/26/2014 at 10:28pm / United States (California) / Work
- Today, I asked my friend what form of birth control she used the first time she had sex. She stared… Today, I overheard my ex bragging to his buddies about how freaky his new girlfriend is, what with… Today, I needed to pee at my friend's house. His bathroom door is often left closed even if there's…