About vespergreen : I got to stay high all my life to forget I'm missing you.
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vespergreen's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 04/12/2014 at 1:24am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my co-worker started talking in third person. Not only that, but he narrates his daily tasks. "Jeff reached for a stapler", "Jeff stapled a report". I have to sit beside this chimp for 8 hours a day, and nothing I say can end this. FML
by war_monkey / 04/10/2014 at 8:20am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by Motha / 04/09/2014 at 1:17am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
by Great / 04/08/2014 at 9:42pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML
by Spooprfailed / 04/08/2014 at 1:32am / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy
by Welshite / 04/03/2014 at 4:53pm / United States / Work
by phantomthelabrat / 03/31/2014 at 8:24am / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML
by bringthemback / 03/29/2014 at 6:34am / United States (South Carolina) / Work
by Anonymous / 03/28/2014 at 6:05pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Miscellaneous
Today, my wife got her period. Every single time, she ends up asking me to go buy her some midol after a few days of trying to tough it out, so I decided to buy her some ahead of time. She reacted by yelling at me for treating her like a child and implying that she couldn't go buy it herself. FML
by unappreciated husband / 03/28/2014 at 5:43pm / United States (Washington) / Love
by Anonymous / 03/28/2014 at 3:23pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
by ClaustrophobicNightmares / 03/28/2014 at 4:42am / Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad) / Work
Today, I took my 12 year-old to the orthodontist. While I was talking to the dentist about what was needing to be done, my daughter listened. With a straight face, the dentist joked, "Yeah, we're going to need to rip off her entire jaw." My daughter won't leave her room anymore. FML
by Anonymous / 03/27/2014 at 8:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
Today, I was sitting in the coffee shop where my boyfriend and I used to go before he broke up with me about a week ago. I was missing him and wishing he was there, when all of a sudden this 14-year-old kid comes up to me and says, "He's not coming, you may as well go home." FML
by Anonymous / 03/27/2014 at 7:03pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Love
by bonbon789 / 03/27/2014 at 2:10pm / United States / Health
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, a week after dropping my car off for the third time in a month at the dealership because of…
- Today, I woke up and had a voicemail from my boyfriend. I just thought nothing of it because it was… Today, I was at my new apartment. My fiancé was coming home so I filled the apartment with candles… Today, I got a call from a restricted number. When I answered, it was a prank call. The kids on the…