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Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45298) - you deserved it (3686)
On 05/05/2013 at 12:14am - work - by ADickySituation - United States (Illinois)
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
I agree, your life sucks (60111) - you deserved it (5770)
On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)
Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (29803) - you deserved it (1426)
On 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm - kids - by andy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't be eating that." I was eating a piece of chocolate, cheating on my diet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25535) - you deserved it (15159)
On 01/27/2013 at 12:38am - misc - by LucidNightmare - United States (Colorado)
Today, I waited over 30 minutes in freezing cold weather for my bus. When it finally arrived, I went to get on board, but slipped and fell on the icy ground. The driver waited a whole 2 seconds before snorting, "Ain't nobody got time for this shit", closing the doors, and driving off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33104) - you deserved it (2019)
On 01/24/2013 at 4:25pm - misc - by frozensolid (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, I visited my family. Over the course of 2 hours, my brother punched me, and my mom slapped me across the face after drinking way too much wine. When I started gathering my things to leave, my mom started crying about how I don't visit enough. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27323) - you deserved it (1939)
On 01/23/2013 at 12:45pm - misc - by mariama (woman) - United States
Today, it's been two days since my upstairs neighbour's toilet started flooding both our apartments. I have to go to the bathroom with an umbrella. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23706) - you deserved it (1575) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/21/2013 at 3:24pm - misc - by normal - France (Midi-Pyrenees)
Today, my kitten tried jumping into a hot oven, a dryer, a dishwasher, a toilet, and a fish-tank. Curiosity is going to kill my cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25944) - you deserved it (2765)
On 01/20/2013 at 8:47pm - animals - by AnonCat (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29404) - you deserved it (2726)
On 01/18/2013 at 10:25am - misc - by Keastwood013 - United States
I agree, your life sucks (33561) - you deserved it (6515)
On 01/14/2013 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23399) - you deserved it (2073)
On 01/13/2013 at 10:00pm - misc - by anon - United States (Ohio)
Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25554) - you deserved it (6801)
On 01/10/2013 at 7:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Slovakia
Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight, the guy sitting next to me picked an eyelash he found on my face, stared at it for a few seconds, and stuck it in his mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35478) - you deserved it (1495)
On 01/07/2013 at 11:16pm - misc - by legitweirdo - United States (New York)
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me with the prettiest, most simple ring I have ever seen. I called my sister to tell her the good news, and her response was, "I know. He had me steal the ring from Claire's." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32132) - you deserved it (2312)
On 12/30/2012 at 6:58pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I realized something: when other people are drunk, they dance around and make out with people. When I'm drunk, I apparently think it's a great idea to chew on electrical cords. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13401) - you deserved it (19471)
On 12/29/2012 at 2:30am - misc - by almostkilledmyself - Canada (Manitoba)
Monday 20 May 2013
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