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varthdader's favorite FMLs
by (not) fucked / 05/16/2014 at 12:01pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Makeitdance / 05/11/2014 at 10:46am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML
by chumman / 05/06/2014 at 9:55am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I waited on a gentleman and his lady friend at my restaurant. They ordered some of the most expensive items on the menu, and I thought I'd get a nice tip. Instead, he tipped me a scrap of paper, containing a drawing of a cock jizzing on a caricature of my face, and the word "Thanks." FML
by Anonymous / 03/16/2014 at 2:53pm / United States (New York) / Work
by LeChameauTrisomique / 03/14/2014 at 12:33am / France (Centre) / Work
by BioChickthcfy / 11/13/2013 at 5:27pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
by Something I said? / 11/05/2013 at 10:26am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I was refereeing a soccer match and I called a foul. An angry coach kept screaming at me, saying "You're crazy!" I asked him to leave the field. As he left, he lifted his middle finger and screamed, "FUCK YOU!" I ref 5-year-olds. FML
by Anonymous / 10/29/2013 at 12:21pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by OutOfMyMind / 10/21/2013 at 8:12pm / United States (Florida) / Health
Today, my father was taking pictures of my friend and me as we got ready for homecoming. After the pictures were taken, he offered to show us. He scrolled one picture too far and ended up showing us a picture of his penis. FML
by Female_Lucifer / 10/20/2013 at 9:02am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/04/2013 at 7:36pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/17/2013 at 1:39am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML
by zahra_786 / 04/11/2013 at 5:11am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML
by maturity / 04/07/2013 at 8:30pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
Today, a customer came up to me and asked if I knew where the make-up aisle was. I pointed him in the right direction but he just gasped and said, "Oh so you DO know where it is!" and walked away, roaring with laughter. FML
by apparentlytoougly / 03/27/2013 at 3:29am / United States (California) / Work