About vampirapaige : Type in BEATRIXPAD into google earth and you can see a dead body being dragged into the ocean!!! How delightful...
vampirapaige's FML badges
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
vampirapaige's favorite FMLs
Today, I opened my heart to my father-in-law, telling him how he was a very good example for us and how his name would be great for our first born son, he interrupted, saying, "Cut the cheesy crap, now." FML
by Anonymous / 12/02/2013 at 7:56pm / Mexico (Baja California) / Kids
Today, I was accused of stealing when I dropped a $20 bill in front of my boss. His logic: I'm too poor to have a $20 bill and there's no way it was a tip, since our customers are "so stingy". It was a tip and it was going to get me through the rest of the month. He won't give it back. FML
by Anonymous / 11/14/2013 at 2:18am / United States (Texas) / Work
by BioChickthcfy / 11/13/2013 at 5:27pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, I had to go to a big dinner with my insane relatives. Highlights of conversation included my sister telling us about the "country of Iowa", my dad accusing me of faking my chronic fatigue syndrome, and my grandpa claiming that Nelson Mandela is the Antichrist. FML
by FUCK ME, MAKE IT STOP / 11/01/2013 at 2:38pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by #isthisthepoundkey? / 11/01/2013 at 12:49pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by Puppy problems / 10/26/2013 at 9:23pm / United States (Vermont) / Animals
Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML
by SerenityJ / 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm / United States (California) / Kids
by latter / 09/23/2013 at 8:05pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids
Today, I was at a job interview for a position I really needed. Somehow, the interviewer and I started talking about fishing. I joked, "I'm a master baiter." Needless to say, I didn't get the job. FML
by master baiter / 08/12/2013 at 1:11pm / United States (New York) / Work
by Anonymous / 07/28/2013 at 8:46pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by lilly1105 / 07/15/2013 at 9:19am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, after spending weeks working on a song that meant a lot to me, I reluctantly posted it online. The "friend" who'd convinced me to post it, commented, "This is the worst shit I've ever heard." He got 30 likes, along with a barrage of agreeing, equally terrible comments. FML
by tonedef / 07/09/2013 at 7:35pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML
by Never Going Back To The Doctor / 07/04/2013 at 3:03am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/25/2013 at 12:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/24/2013 at 12:41pm / Belgium / Animals
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…