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urdirtyolduncle

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urdirtyolduncle

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 24 October 1994 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4634
  • Number of comments : 991
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

About urdirtyolduncle : I'm here to troll

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urdirtyolduncle's favorite FMLs

Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML

#21244565
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38585) - you deserved it (7160)

On 08/24/2014 at 5:50pm - work - by fuck you, tasha (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

#21240900
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24104) - you deserved it (44112)

On 08/19/2014 at 9:37am - misc - by drunk under 18 teenager (man) - Morocco (Marrakech-Tensift-Al Haouz)

Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said its like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML

#21230044
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44133) - you deserved it (6863)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:48pm - intimacy - by donutsex (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML

#21210892
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50615) - you deserved it (3352)

On 07/16/2014 at 2:56pm - kids - by fuck you, kid (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML

#21205823
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50493) - you deserved it (6616)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:03am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at my football game, I turned around to spit so that it would be away from my teammates. I ended up spitting on a 10-year-old kid walking behind me. FML

#21203602
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37578) - you deserved it (17592)

On 07/09/2014 at 1:38am - kids - by whoops - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML

#21202372
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41431) - you deserved it (2994)

On 07/08/2014 at 12:26am - work - by MaddyN - United States (Oregon)

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML

#21190541
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42883) - you deserved it (6123)

On 06/27/2014 at 5:15pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

#21179512
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52335) - you deserved it (4606)

On 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was using my phone while in a crowded waiting room, and I accidentally tapped on a YouTube video with the volume still at maximum. The first words everyone heard? "Fuck her right in the pussy!" FML

#21174627
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46144) - you deserved it (22779)

On 06/14/2014 at 5:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML

#21174074
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43649) - you deserved it (6283)

On 06/14/2014 at 2:42am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I let my dog outside to play. He shat on three cars, played dead in the middle of the street, and chased my neighbors' cat into a pool. When he came back into the house, he had a note taped to his back saying "IOU 1 lawsuit". FML

Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML

#21167190
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56331) - you deserved it (6795)

On 06/08/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by 404: sense not found (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was texting my boyfriend when he said, "Hold up." Thinking it'd be funny, I ran and grabbed my copy of the movie Up, and took a picture of me holding it and sent it to him. He replied, "Getting real tired of your shit." Then dumped me for my "dumb taste in humor." FML

#20696601
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61648) - you deserved it (13455)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:16am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I was really stressed, so I tried to let it out by crying. It lasted about 30 seconds, and I was making fun of myself the whole time. Even my subconscious thinks I'm pathetic. FML

#19636428
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18642) - you deserved it (4511)

On 05/17/2012 at 10:37am - health - by Username (man) - Australia



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