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unholymasta's FML badges
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unholymasta's favorite FMLs
Today, on the brink of a stiflingly hot summer, I've come to a terrible realisation. It seems the apartment I've just moved into has been specially insulated to trap enough heat inside for the occupants to survive the planet's next Ice Age. FML
by Broon / 05/25/2012 at 3:55pm / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Transportation
Today, I was at a bus stop making small talk with a really nice girl, when all of a sudden some kids let off firecrackers behind me. I shrieked like a little girl and practically jumped into her lap. FML
by Anonymous / 05/15/2012 at 12:07am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by uh-oh / 03/25/2012 at 1:49am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
by Username / 03/21/2012 at 1:10pm / United States (New York) / Work
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
by Anonymous / 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm / Ireland / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/24/2012 at 5:39am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, I went out in a storm to collect my wheelie bin, which had flown down the street. On the way back to my house, I realised my door had slammed shut and locked behind me. That's okay though, a trampoline decided to smash my window and let me in. FML
by mattdevil / 12/08/2011 at 1:57pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Miscellaneous
by pops up / 12/01/2011 at 5:25pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/25/2011 at 1:58am / United States / Transportation
Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML
by Anonymous / 10/10/2011 at 6:26pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 10/08/2011 at 11:36am / Sri Lanka / Miscellaneous
Today, my friends and I were having a conversation about which mythical creature would be the most unlikely to exist in the real world. They all collectively agreed that it would be a girl who is attracted to me. FML
by Unluckiest Guy of the group / 09/28/2011 at 3:26pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
by mimi / 09/26/2011 at 10:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
by BigBananaLover / 09/26/2011 at 2:20pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/04/2011 at 1:41am / United States / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…