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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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ugotmilk

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ugotmilk
  • Town/Country : Alpena, America
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 2 November 1993 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 380
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About ugotmilk : Bisexual, Bad things happen to me all the time so expect much from me.

ugotmilk's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

ugotmilk's favorite FMLs

Today, I wore the new bathing suit my boyfriend got me for my birthday to a family reunion pool party. Turns out, it was a gag gift that dissolves after 3 minutes in water. FML

#4550817 (213)

I agree, your life sucks (60963) - you deserved it (4726)

On 08/15/2009 at 3:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my sister and I were reading the new FML posts. I sat close to the fan, and after a few minutes, I leaned against it for support. It immediatly sucked up my hair and started violently twisting it. My sister continued to read and shouted at me because my cries for help are distracting. FML

#4550726 (100)

I agree, your life sucks (36852) - you deserved it (8785)

On 08/15/2009 at 3:21pm - health - by baldintheback (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

#4525246 (214)

I agree, your life sucks (47871) - you deserved it (5206)

On 08/14/2009 at 12:57pm - kids - by ohgod (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I fractured my knuckle at the gym. My girlfriend offered to drive me to Urgent Care. As I threw my gym bag in the car, my keys flew out of the bag's pocket and hit her in the face. I spent the whole afternoon getting dirty looks from nurses because of my broken hand and her black eye. FML

#4523157 (130)

I agree, your life sucks (46832) - you deserved it (3403)

On 08/14/2009 at 10:26am - love - by Anon (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was helping my brother clean his room. While putting clothes away, I found a box of thongs. They were mine. FML

#4523037 (148)

I agree, your life sucks (43416) - you deserved it (2431)

On 08/14/2009 at 10:09am - misc - by haha247 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I read an incoming message in my wifes phone. "I miss your warm hands and mouth". The message came from a female co-worker of hers. FML

#4506160 (242)

I agree, your life sucks (39686) - you deserved it (4075)

On 08/13/2009 at 5:49pm - love - by rick (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML

#4505034 (262)

I agree, your life sucks (27401) - you deserved it (57195)

On 08/13/2009 at 4:57pm - kids - by bubbalicious (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML

#4503474 (219)

I agree, your life sucks (6805) - you deserved it (85805)

On 08/13/2009 at 3:47pm - health - by Nick (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML

#4384243 (86)

I agree, your life sucks (39777) - you deserved it (3951)

On 08/08/2009 at 12:31pm - intimacy - by pear8head (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I had my first blow job. My girlfriend thought it would be sexy to "caress" my ball sack. By caress she meant bitch slap from side to side. FML

#4267516 (242)

I agree, your life sucks (50610) - you deserved it (6828)

On 08/03/2009 at 10:37pm - intimacy - by BeboKhaos (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out if you slide down the stairs on a foam matress topper, it just folds under instead of sliding. Then you slide the rest of the way down on your knees and break your nose at the bottom. FML

#4186568 (141)

I agree, your life sucks (10322) - you deserved it (47922)

On 07/31/2009 at 5:12pm - misc - by ohhmydamn (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I proudly informed my boyfriend that I am now a size 4, down from an 18, after months of dieting and exercising after he told me he would like me to be a size 6. He broke up with me for "not listening to what he wanted" and "being an overachiever". FML

#3861516 (358)

I agree, your life sucks (57650) - you deserved it (5321)

On 07/18/2009 at 5:35pm - misc - by overachiever - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out my driver's license was suspended last year for a DUI ticket that wasn't paid. Apparently, someone had used my identity info to avoid the ticket on their record. The cops showed me the guy's picture taken when he was arrested. It was my brother. FML

#3853515 (41)

I agree, your life sucks (40277) - you deserved it (1385)

On 07/18/2009 at 8:45am - misc - by nicefamily (man) - United States (Georgia)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up feeling a tingling sensation on my testicles. I enjoyed it for a few seconds, then threw off the covers. Looks like there have been cockroaches in my bed. FML

#3852842 (132)

I agree, your life sucks (43736) - you deserved it (6975)

On 07/18/2009 at 6:48am - misc - by fartypeepee (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after a night of partying, I woke up in the middle of my co-ed dorm lobby to the sound of giggles. I was in a thong with $1 monopoly bills sticking out. I'm a guy. FML

#3849129 (87)

I agree, your life sucks (10429) - you deserved it (33540)

On 07/18/2009 at 2:03am - misc - by joedoe (man) - United States (California)