tyty2012

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Offline (the 10/10/2014 at 5:01pm)

tyty2012

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  • Number of visits : 480
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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tyty2012's favorite FMLs

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

by SerenityJ / 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I was getting my cat some canned food. Out of habit I licked the spoon after I had emptied the can only to realize too late what I had done. FML

by OldHabitsDieHard / 09/18/2013 at 10:53am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, just like the last several days, I walked out to my car after class only to notice the Justin Beiber stickers arranged on my bumper and license plates. My dad put them there, and thinks it's just as hilarious as the first time. He has four packs of stickers left. FML

by NonBelieber / 09/18/2013 at 12:22am / United States (Alabama) / Transportation

Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML

by Anonymous / 09/15/2013 at 3:53pm / Romania (Bucuresti) / Intimacy

Today, the guy on the floor above me decided it was time for a tuba jam session. Apparently optimal tuba time is 2am. FML

by sleeplessinrichmond / 09/15/2013 at 2:02am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was watching a movie on TV. One of the characters has the same name as my dog, and when his name was called, my dog got so excited that he jumped face-first into my TV. FML

by ugh Buck! / 09/11/2013 at 12:57pm / United States / Animals

Today, I found out I do not have a fast metabolism, I've actually had a tape worm living inside me for 3 years. FML

by Iskylite / 09/10/2013 at 5:41pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I had a dream in which I was playing tennis. As I hit a powerful serve, I suddenly woke up due to having slapped myself in the face. FML

by Grand Slam / 09/10/2013 at 2:44pm / Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom was sharing the story of how I was born with the umbilical cord around my neck. My sister added that it was God's first attempt to kill me off. FML

Today, while working at Home Depot, I was asked to cut some wire. When I asked her how much, she said, "From my computer to the wall". After explaining for a while that I didn't know how far that is, she left. FML

Today, my 17-year-old son hacked off the legs of his bed with a saw. His explanation? "The bed looks cooler closer to the floor." FML

by Anonyme / 09/06/2013 at 7:56am / France (Basse-Normandie) / Kids

Today, a customer spent ages bitching me out, because he refused to believe he needed to upgrade his computer, which still runs Windows 98, in order to install a modern game for his grandson. He ended up calling my manager and trying to get me fired for scamming him. FML

by what the fuck / 08/25/2013 at 3:28pm / Malaysia (Selangor) / Work

Today, at work, two teenage girls caused a huge scene and told me to get lost, after I asked if they needed any help. Their reasoning: they didn't want to be helped by "someone who doesn't have a thigh gap." FML

by Hannahb17 / 08/23/2013 at 6:21pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML

by mykhael / 08/21/2013 at 2:58pm / United States (Louisiana) / Animals

Today, I met up with my estranged father for the first time in almost 15 years. I saw him again later, while he was robbing my house. FML

by MissCharlotte / 08/21/2013 at 12:06am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.