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tyrecius's favorite FMLs
Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML
by BloodFaerie / 06/30/2012 at 2:49am / United States (Georgia) / Animals
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
by DwarfFrog / 06/18/2012 at 7:38am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while at my cosmetics job, an elderly lady came up to me asking for a product. I told her we had a smaller size and a larger size for a better deal. She told me she wanted the smaller size because she'd "probably be dead" before she finished that one. I laughed. She was serious. FML
by Anonymous / 06/10/2012 at 4:47am / United States (Washington) / Work
by Anonymous / 06/01/2012 at 10:29am / Austria (Wien) / Miscellaneous
by Aldoch / 05/30/2012 at 6:41pm / Kids
Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML
by Anonymous / 05/29/2012 at 9:55pm / United States (Iowa) / Kids
by humbug / 05/13/2012 at 9:08am / United States (Colorado) / Money
by anonymous4991 / 05/03/2012 at 8:39pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/16/2012 at 11:10am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by Scarred4Life / 01/01/2012 at 1:18am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/24/2011 at 5:35am / United Kingdom / Work
Today, my new friend and I went out to a concert. When we came back to her house, she ran upstairs and left me alone. Suddenly, a naked man came into my view and I stared at him horrified. Great way to meet her Dad. FML
by noooo / 08/08/2011 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by liynda / 05/05/2011 at 9:49pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Geek
Today, I sent a picture to my girlfriend of my erect penis with a quote saying "It's waiting for you." She responded with a picture of her left hand showing her left ring finger with a quote saying "It's waiting for you too." FML
by Anonymous / 12/07/2010 at 1:32pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
- My cat has a better sex life than me. Luckily I get enough money from her kittens to pay my bills.… Today, my boyfriend learnt how to unhook my bra with 2 fingers. He did it successfully in a crowded… Today, i made a new "friend". he has been following me around making sexual jokes and making creepy…