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Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14925) - you deserved it (2851)
On 08/31/2012 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I learned that when you hear a bump in the night, it's best not to check your parents' room. Some things cannot be unseen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10918) - you deserved it (12614)
On 08/04/2012 at 2:56am - misc - by alyssabree42 - United States (Oregon)
Today, my sister and I were watching the Olympics. Michael Phelps was on the screen, and I was thinking how hot he is. My sister commented on how he looks so much like our brother. I can never look at either of them the same way ever again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16795) - you deserved it (2546)
On 08/01/2012 at 1:51am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I got into a debate with my boyfriend over whether or not oral sex was considered sex. I stood firm that it was not. Apparently, he took this as permission, as later that night I walked in on him not having sex with my sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26368) - you deserved it (27665)
On 07/15/2012 at 1:34am - intimacy - by oops - United States
Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (29004) - you deserved it (3192)
On 07/14/2012 at 8:50pm - intimacy - by checkup (man) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)
Today, I was petting my cat and I jokingly said out loud, "Oh, the pussy likes it rough? You like that, don't you?" My windows were open and I could hear the neighbors laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6729) - you deserved it (18176)
On 05/03/2012 at 8:39pm - intimacy - by anonymous4991 (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10989) - you deserved it (37136) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 05/02/2012 at 1:06am - love - by Flip (woman) - France (Rhone-Alpes)
Today, after getting a pat of appreciation from my girlfriend's father for taking it slow, he found me later, in her room, with my head between her thighs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12495) - you deserved it (29395)
On 02/29/2012 at 5:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7283) - you deserved it (38893)
On 02/24/2012 at 10:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was watching a movie in the basement with my boyfriend when we started to get a little frisky. My mom walks down with dirty laundry and tells him to stop it because I'm creaming all over my undies. She showed him a pair of dirty ones to prove it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40434) - you deserved it (6019)
On 01/28/2012 at 9:34pm - intimacy - by Tiana - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I accidentally called my teacher "Babe". FML
I agree, your life sucks (23246) - you deserved it (9302)
On 01/07/2012 at 9:12am - misc - by randomgirl - United Kingdom (London)
Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16141) - you deserved it (28371)
Today, while performing a rectal exam on my female patient, I inadvertently said, "Okay, you're going to feel some pleasure now." I meant "pressure". Her husband was in the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35484) - you deserved it (7642)
On 10/18/2011 at 11:01am - intimacy - by imy - United States (Texas)
Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35243) - you deserved it (7731)
On 07/21/2011 at 5:24pm - love - by toni405 - United States
Today, my co-worker finally gave me a check for the money he owes me. In the memo line, he wrote "for swallowing". Now I have to go cash it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28247) - you deserved it (5101)
On 06/09/2011 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by Patrick R - United States (Texas)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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