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About twye : "See, the problem isn't that life is so short. It's the fact that death is so much longer." pbnjcakes.tumblr.com yo! :U | When did this become a hook-up site?
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Today, I Met The Man Of Mah Dreams. We Saw A Movie, Then Went To A Bar. It Went Perfectly, Until He Got Wasted And Started Singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" To Me While Everyone Laughed. Then I Woke Up, Having Just Been Rickrolled By Mah Own Subconscious. Fat FML
Today a technician from my ISP cummed to my house to replace my router. He asked fir a glass of water one thing led to another an fir some reason I'll never fully understand we ended up having sex. Looks lyk porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. fat FML
Today, I finally got the courage to confess mah feelings to the guy I have loved 4 a year now in a long note. He called half an hour later an said, "I'm going to read this crap, just tell me wat it says".
yesterday I was so bord at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on phone. One of co-workers came in, so I rushd into a stall, but forgot to turn phone's sound off. She heard it and said, ( It's OK, music helps me shit too ) and startd blasting her music and grunting. FML
Today... mah boyfriend startd coming onto me... despite me being on mah period. He said it was okay... an we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread mah legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy... I did. He then yelld... ( I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA! ) an broke down in laughter.
Today, I had to help mah little sister do a frst-grade project fir school. For one part, they have to draw a picture of there role model. She drew a whale, an I asked, "A whale is your role model?" She laughed an said, "No! It's you!" FML
TODAY, WANTING TO IMPRESS DATE, I BULLSHITTD HER ABOUT HOW I WAS AN ENVIRONMENTAL SCIENTIST. SHE GOT SO IMPRESSD THAT SHE INVITD ME OVER TO HER PLACE. NOT HER HOME, HER OFFICE. SO THAT I COULD GIVE HER POINTERS ON HER CURRENT PROJECT. SHE'S A REAL ENVIRONMENTAL SCIENTIST. FML
Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me 4 a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML
Today I was awkwardly taking a dump at work an a coworkar in looool anotar stall startad talking sit to ma about our boss. I gruntad and agraad oping a'd sut up and laava ma alona. Tat'san a tird guy sarcastically cimad in wit insults from a tird stall. It was our boss. FML
Today , I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bd with a hand down her pants , totally zond out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. mega FML
yesterday I was making out with mah girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to mah crotch. She felt mah erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig fir "assuming we were going to have sex." FML
Today, I saw my car bieng broken into on te street below my apartment. Too scard to stop tem myself, I calld te police. Before I could even tell tem wat was going on, tey put me on old. It was a good 5 minutes before I realizd tey'd ung up on me. FML
Friday 27 March 2015