About twye : "See, the problem isn't that life is so short. It's the fact that death is so much longer." pbnjcakes.tumblr.com yo! :U | When did this become a hook-up site?
twye's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
twye's favorite FMLs
by ijustwantpizza / 01/07/2015 at 7:11am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
by random875 / 01/07/2015 at 1:03am / United States (Maryland) / Health
Today, I finally met my long-distance boyfriend of three years for the first time in person. After an amazing dinner and movie date, we went back to his house, only for him to dump me half an hour later. Not because I wouldn't have sex with him. No, his cat doesn't like me. FML
by dragonfyre73 / 01/06/2015 at 7:32pm / United States (California) / Animals
by Anonymous / 01/06/2015 at 11:40am / Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend. Trying to be romantic, I complimented her on how nice her hair smelled. She replied: "Yeah? Wait till you smell this." then let out the vilest, most nauseating fart I'd ever smelled in my life. FML
by allgassedout / 01/03/2015 at 7:23pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, my mom and step-dad tore my room apart looking for the stash of drugs they thought I had. I've never touched drugs in my life, and I guess they believe me now. Didn't stop them from making me clean up the mess they made, though. FML
by tokinallday / 01/02/2015 at 2:23pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by Sisterly Love / 01/02/2015 at 12:37am / United States (Michigan) / Health
Today, I gave feedback on how the store is run at the owners' request, because they don't understand why everyone keeps quitting. I guess they took it personally, because they asked me not to come back. FML
by outofajob / 01/01/2015 at 6:03pm / United States (Utah) / Work
by ButtWorthSingingBout / 01/01/2015 at 1:16pm / United States (Arizona) / Love
Today, I went to a club to celebrate New Year's Eve. A cute guy came up to me at the bar and asked my name. I thought my 8 year long dry spell was finally about to end. I smiled and said "Chrissy!" He said "That's a whore's name!" and wandered back off into the crowd. FML
by cakestar9 / 12/31/2014 at 2:39pm / Ireland (Clare) / Love
Today, I slept on the plane ride home and had a scary nightmare. I started screaming in my dream, so loud that it shocked the old lady sitting next to me into screaming as well. The whole plane began laughing as we were both screaming. FML
by danielzcwu / 12/29/2014 at 2:11pm / Taiwan (T'ai-pei) / Transportation
Today, while putting a water bottle into the fridge, I suddenly had to sneeze. The force of my sneezing propelled my head against the open fridge door, causing a gushing wound to my forehead. Bless me. FML
by Anonymous / 12/29/2014 at 2:11pm / United States (Oregon) / Health
by Anonymous / 12/28/2014 at 9:49pm / United States (Delaware) / Intimacy
Today, I got a gift-wrapped package in the mail from my racist mother-in-law. She's always hated me, so I thought it was a bit strange. Inside was a squirt gun and a note telling me to take my "black ass" for a walk around a police station with it, followed with a smiley face. FML
by Anonymous / 12/28/2014 at 1:41pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was playing what became an extremely intense game of hide-and-seek with my best friend's sister. I finally found the perfect place, so I slid down into the bath and began to cover myself. She popped up out of nowhere and said, "FOUND YOU!" I got so scared that I punched her in the face. FML
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my bosses words, "Abided by company policy to such an…