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twye

Offline (the 10/01/2015 at 11:55pm) | Search for a member

twye

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 1 July 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5637
  • Number of comments : 61
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About twye : "See, the problem isn't that life is so short. It's the fact that death is so much longer." pbnjcakes.tumblr.com yo! :U | When did this become a hook-up site?

twye's page activity

Visits<b>skymachine</b> - the 11/09/2015 at 5:27pm<b>ToxicTyrael</b> - the 10/26/2015 at 10:48am<b>False_Stupidity</b> - the 09/05/2015 at 12:41pm<b>bodyguerdson</b> - the 08/24/2015 at 9:13am<b>treesup</b> - the 08/18/2015 at 2:42pm<b>MitunaCaptor</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 10:04am<b>Devindelon</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 8:15pm<b>Mitchellbassists</b> - the 04/27/2015 at 11:33am<b>Okamichu</b> - the 03/31/2015 at 8:35am<b>saraitkddh</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 10:13am<b>flupsht</b> - the 01/19/2015 at 10:09am<b>Raleaf</b> - the 01/17/2015 at 6:15am<b>phoneaddict13</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 5:43pm<b>Tezoma</b> - the 01/15/2015 at 6:39pm<b>stuckintime</b> - the 01/15/2015 at 5:42am<b>asylumlane</b> - the 01/14/2015 at 12:02am<b>jpsullivan</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 10:37pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 2:32pm

Fucked!<b>False_Stupidity</b> - the 09/05/2015 at 6:41pm<b>saraitkddh</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 4:13pm

twye's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of twye's badges

twye's favorite FMLs

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in his car. We were in the front seat and I was on top. My ass hit the horn and scared my boyfriend so bad, he jumped, causing me to hit my head so hard that I swear I got a concussion. FML

#21341327
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33096) - you deserved it (12728)

On 01/20/2015 at 11:10pm - intimacy - by chelse_elyce - United States

Today, I let out a monstrous fart at the gym. They said it didn't even sound human. FML

#21341250
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29442) - you deserved it (6662)

On 01/20/2015 at 9:41pm - misc - by highschoolsucks - United States

Today, I gambled on a fart and lost. FML

#21337828
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25620) - you deserved it (16444)

On 01/15/2015 at 8:08pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found out how whipped I am when, at the climax of sex, I moaned, "I'm sorry!" FML

#21337152
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31385) - you deserved it (7434)

On 01/14/2015 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by imsorry (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got banned from my school library after I ran after a guy who stole my bag. FML

#21337080
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31365) - you deserved it (2114)

On 01/14/2015 at 5:04pm - misc - by Skazzy3 (man) -

Today, I confronted my wife because I thought the many hours a day she spends at a local coffee shop were so she could smoke. Turns out she's cheating on me. FML

#21337071
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36197) - you deserved it (2928)

On 01/14/2015 at 4:48pm - love - by SouthPaw (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my husband bought me XL pajamas for my birthday. I got really angry, telling him that's obviously not my size. I tried them on just to show him how ridiculous they look. They fit. FML

#21336954
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23042) - you deserved it (39635)

On 01/14/2015 at 12:49pm - love - by middleagednurse - United States (Florida)

Today, I tripped over a "wet floor" sign at work and hit the floor hard. The floor wasn't even wet. FML

#21336915
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29819) - you deserved it (4579)

On 01/14/2015 at 10:35am - work - by kronic1990 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my grandmother why, "What a nice singing voice! He doesn't sound black at all!" is not a compliment. FML

#21336801
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33364) - you deserved it (2876)

On 01/14/2015 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML

Today, both my female flatmate and my gay male flatmate have got their boyfriends round. They've both stuck 'Do Not Disturb' signs on their bedroom doors and are both playing music which doesn't quite muffle the sounds of what they're up to. I haven't had a date in over six months. FML

#21335645
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34852) - you deserved it (4009)

On 01/12/2015 at 7:53am - love - by fukinlonely (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I returned a rental car and almost got charged extra for the "funky and rotten" smell in the car. I blamed it on a sausage roll, not having the heart to tell the woman it was my fart from a minute before. FML

#21335609
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27686) - you deserved it (7346)

On 01/12/2015 at 4:46am - misc - by Anonymous - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I refused to serve a woman alcohol, as she looked underage. She complained to my manager about "age racism". FML

#21335591
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34044) - you deserved it (2593)

On 01/12/2015 at 3:23am - work - by nick (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML

#21335578
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34567) - you deserved it (7360)

On 01/12/2015 at 2:56am - intimacy - by briiiiiiii123 - United States (New York)

Today, I got undressed in front of my boyfriend for the first time. His reaction? "You're chubbier than I expected". FML

#21335513
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44332) - you deserved it (4525)

On 01/12/2015 at 12:28am - intimacy - by reallyson? - United States (Massachusetts)



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