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twye

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twye
  • Town/Country : ..., United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 30 June 1992 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 1423
  • Number of comments : 59
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About twye : "See, the problem isn't that life is so short. It's the fact that death is so much longer." pbnjcakes.tumblr.com yo! :U

twye's last visitors

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twye's FML badges

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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twye's favorite FMLs

Today, while I was walking home alone, a homeless man approached me and took me by the hand. Apparently, he's been watching me for weeks and has fallen madly in love with me. He told me not to worry, though; he's not a rapist. FML

#19918640
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27426) - you deserved it (1463)

On 07/10/2012 at 12:43pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my mom and I somehow got into a serious argument over the ethics of capturing and training Pokémon. FML

#19910380
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16715) - you deserved it (6383)

On 07/08/2012 at 5:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend sneeze in his hands, and then lick it. FML

#19908748
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26465) - you deserved it (2872)

On 07/08/2012 at 7:26am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I was brushing my teeth when I looked up. There was a huge scorpion dangling on the air vent above my head. I was trapped in the bathroom for over an hour trying to build the courage to run out. FML

#19908614
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19200) - you deserved it (5635)

On 07/08/2012 at 5:47am - animals - by scorpionsurviver - United States

Today, my waiter turned to me and asked, "Let me guess, Miss I'm-not-fat-I'm-fluffy wants a diet coke?" FML

#19895683
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33453) - you deserved it (8601)

On 07/05/2012 at 3:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was at the airport. I was on my way to see my dad for the first time since I was 4. Whilst I was waiting for my dad to find me, a strange man started flirting with me. Irritated, I told him I was waiting for my dad to get me, and to f*ck off. The strange man was my father. FML

#19887326
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33150) - you deserved it (3337)

On 07/03/2012 at 7:01pm - misc - by BunniesOnAcid - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I woke up to a nude picture of my girlfriend. Once I looked at it my morning wood went away. FML

#19886014
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30867) - you deserved it (7951)

On 07/03/2012 at 1:33pm - intimacy - by bob - United States (Ohio)

Today, my new boss gave everyone a lecture about sexual harassment in the workplace. Which would be fine if he'd been able to tear his gaze off my chest for more than a minute at a time. FML

#19885818
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18109) - you deserved it (3058)

On 07/03/2012 at 12:43pm - work - by hypocrite (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was having an argument with my girlfriend in front of our friends. I didn't want her to spoil my good time, so I ignored her until she disappeared. She re-appeared thirty minutes later just to throw a punch that would make Muhammad Ali jealous. Our friends' reaction? They clapped. FML

#19884925
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6979) - you deserved it (36952)

On 07/03/2012 at 7:51am - misc - by ali (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the airport to pick up my long distance boyfriend. Having waited six months for this, I was stoked. After waiting for three hours and sending numerous messages, I was eventually informed I was a week early. FML

#19880614
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17571) - you deserved it (11438)

On 07/02/2012 at 11:45am - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was having sex with the guy I've been in love with for years. I moaned, "say my name." He didn't know it. FML

#19873262
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30253) - you deserved it (9498)

On 06/30/2012 at 9:35pm - intimacy - by say my name -

Today, after watching Hulk with my friends, we spent a good half hour discussing exactly how enlarged Bruce Banner's package would be in his Hulk state. I couldn't hide my excitement, and now my friends won't stop teasing me. FML

#19871781
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6166) - you deserved it (19570)

On 06/30/2012 at 2:36pm - misc - by rs (woman) - Egypt

Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML

Today, I found out just how easy it is to be launched against the wall and sucker-punched into oblivion by a 200-pound former Marine turned professional body-builder. I discovered this after I told my fiancée's dad that we were expecting a baby. FML

#19867923
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21867) - you deserved it (3754)

On 06/29/2012 at 7:57pm - health - by fuckjuggalos (man) - United States (Oregon)



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