About twye : "See, the problem isn't that life is so short. It's the fact that death is so much longer." pbnjcakes.tumblr.com yo! :U | When did this become a hook-up site?
twye's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
twye's favorite FMLs
by satanworshipper / 10/18/2012 at 12:58am / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, while mowing the lawn, I was attacked by an underground hornet nest. I now have many stings, two scared dogs, and a mower still running outside. The hornets are swarming it and some are sitting on the lever, as if to turn it off. It's like they know. FML
by Anonymous / 10/17/2012 at 4:08pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/17/2012 at 1:18am / France (Bretagne) / Love
by stop it ninja / 10/14/2012 at 3:00am / United States (Virginia) / Animals
by Light Sleeper / 10/14/2012 at 12:24am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
Today, I was talking to my future mother-in-law about my upcoming wedding. She told me that I wasn't allowed to have the wedding at a church, nor wear a white dress, nor have roses for flowers, because that would mean I'd be "copying" her. FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2012 at 7:42pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Miscellaneous
by fucking fratricidal / 10/13/2012 at 6:25pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous
by wdunn69733 / 10/11/2012 at 10:30am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
by goodeyesight / 10/11/2012 at 10:02am / Brazil (Sao Paulo) / Love
Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML
by Failed Parent / 10/11/2012 at 2:59am / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/10/2012 at 5:48pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy
Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
by assholecat / 10/10/2012 at 4:43am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/04/2012 at 11:17am / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up after having a nightmare that my girlfriend broke up with me. Needing reassurance, I told her about it. She became furious with me saying that she'd never do that and called me an "inconsiderate fucking bastard for even thinking that." Then she broke up with me. FML
by Dave / 10/04/2012 at 10:44am / United States / Love
by Chamorru / 10/04/2012 at 5:33am / United States / Health
- Today, I was driving in a straight line on a completely deserted road in the open bush. I sneezed… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he…