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twye

Offline (the 10/06/2014 at 9:29pm) | Search for a member

twye

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 30 June 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2550
  • Number of comments : 59
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About twye : "See, the problem isn't that life is so short. It's the fact that death is so much longer." pbnjcakes.tumblr.com yo! :U

twye's page activity

Visits<b>homes7d</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 10:46pm<b>Mernfern</b> - the 06/21/2014 at 4:23am<b>olpally</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 7:10am<b>bodyguerdson</b> - the 05/20/2014 at 9:35pm<b>boredguyyy</b> - the 01/19/2014 at 4:34pm<b>XxOtakuDemonxX</b> - the 01/03/2014 at 2:03am<b>beatlesgirl2u2</b> - the 12/19/2013 at 7:31pm<b>Kibaruto</b> - the 12/16/2013 at 5:08am<b>claiiire</b> - the 12/11/2013 at 11:11am<b>littlebuggy</b> - the 12/10/2013 at 1:26pm<b>Star928</b> - the 11/11/2013 at 2:04am<b>emirie</b> - the 09/12/2013 at 5:19pm<b>Crash7777</b> - the 08/22/2013 at 1:22am<b>TheCanucklehead</b> - the 08/20/2013 at 11:32pm<b>JE553</b> - the 08/17/2013 at 11:23am<b>jadeluv</b> - the 08/17/2013 at 1:18am<b>starile</b> - the 08/11/2013 at 12:36pm<b>graffitied_love</b> - the 08/08/2013 at 1:23pm

twye's FML badges

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

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You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of twye's badges

twye's favorite FMLs

Today, yet again, I had to dye my hair brown in advance of the new school year, because my school doesn't allow "unapproved" colors, even if they're natural. FML

#20018767
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28734) - you deserved it (1970)

On 08/13/2012 at 1:50pm - misc - by youmothERFUCKErs (woman) - United States

Today, I realized that if I died tomorrow, the only photos available for my funeral would be crappy family Christmas portraits, acne-filled yearbook photos, and several pictures from my MySpace days, where I'm sporting coontails and looking paler than Edward Cullen's ass. FML

#20016902
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17363) - you deserved it (7225)

On 08/12/2012 at 1:31pm - misc - by kherien (woman) - United States

Today, I found the perfect opportunity to throw my husband a surprise party since he thought I was away on a business trip. He came home with a hooker. Surprise! FML

#20016279
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46810) - you deserved it (3060)

On 08/12/2012 at 1:49am - intimacy - by happybirthday - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend, who I've loved and dated for over a year, confessed that she's actually straight as an arrow. All this time, she's basically been using me as an accessory to enhance her "social status" and make her guy friends horny. FML

#20013891
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35309) - you deserved it (4402)

On 08/10/2012 at 6:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Thailand (Krung Thep)

Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML

#20011677
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6437) - you deserved it (46831)

On 08/09/2012 at 3:51pm - misc - by feelsterrible (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner. She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "happy birthday" on her Facebook wall. FML

#20009566
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34526) - you deserved it (3742)

On 08/08/2012 at 1:15pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelt my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML

#20009342
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5832) - you deserved it (43917)

On 08/08/2012 at 10:00am - misc - by FutureMarine3658 - United States (Utah)

Today, I was bagging my groceries when I accidentally smacked myself in the face with a box of popsicles, giving myself a nose bleed. I found out that the cashier hates the sight of blood when she passed out behind the register. They called security on me. FML

Today, I came out to my parents. I don't really fit any stereotype, I'm just an average guy who happens to be into guys. Ten minutes later, I overheard my mother say to my step-dad, "Should we redecorate his room pink?" FML

#20008307
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27898) - you deserved it (5779)

On 08/07/2012 at 8:11pm - misc - by ohai95 (man) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I was at a Chinese buffet, and I got a fortune cookie. I opened it, and it said, "The love of your life is sitting across from you". The only thing across from me was an empty chair. FML

#20007961
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31839) - you deserved it (3009)

On 08/07/2012 at 4:13pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I went to visit a friend I hadn't seen in ages who lives alone out in the country. I arrived and found the front door unlocked but no one was home. I went in anyway and helped myself to some food. Then a family I had never seen before came in, and I realized it wasn't my friend's house. FML

#20007202
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9410) - you deserved it (29531)

On 08/07/2012 at 3:48am - misc - by Embarrassed - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my boyfriend told me he was a vampire. I burst out in laughter and said he was ridiculous. He looked at me in disgust and said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust and believe in him. I'm now single. FML

#20005230
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26008) - you deserved it (5172)

On 08/06/2012 at 2:37am - love - by shastadoe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I discovered how pathetically introverted I am when during a car ride with my family, I said, "I really like this song" and my parents gasped because they didn't realize I was in the back seat. And I'm their only child. FML

#20005160
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25128) - you deserved it (2072)

On 08/06/2012 at 1:41am - misc - by mississippi123 - United States (California)

Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML

#20003323
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27567) - you deserved it (5849)

On 08/05/2012 at 1:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my 15-year-old son begged me to pre-order the next season of My Little Pony. FML

#20002664
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21656) - you deserved it (6377)

On 08/04/2012 at 7:04pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States



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