About twye : "See, the problem isn't that life is so short. It's the fact that death is so much longer." pbnjcakes.tumblr.com yo! :U | When did this become a hook-up site?
twye's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
twye's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 02/21/2015 at 10:12am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. Not an hour later, I walked in on my sister giving him a handjob in her room. And what's worse, my first reaction was just to wonder why he'd bother cheating on me for just a handjob. FML
by Anonymous / 02/17/2015 at 2:17pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/09/2015 at 3:42pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/09/2015 at 9:53am / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals
by wtf?? / 02/09/2015 at 8:26am / Saint Vincent and the Grenadines / Miscellaneous
Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her: "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home with no shopping. FML
by OnlyAvailableID / 02/08/2015 at 3:35am / Australia / Animals
by Duckzy / 02/07/2015 at 5:34pm / United States / Animals
Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend made me breakfast in bed, then we went out shopping, had a picnic, watched a good romcom, had a fancy dinner, and ended the day with great sex. And when the clock struck twelve, he dumped me. FML
by Anonymous / 02/07/2015 at 4:03pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I realized my job working with food is getting to me. While having sex with my boyfriend, I fell asleep. He asked me what I was doing, and apparently I sleep-talked, saying "I'm chopping lettuce". FML
by xoragebaby / 01/23/2015 at 8:29pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML
by Annomymous / 01/23/2015 at 1:12pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by mdg41 / 01/22/2015 at 12:55pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I caught my girlfriend Googling how to uninstall Siri. I asked why she wanted to do that, and she said, "I don't like it. I don't like how the slut talks to you." I get the feeling I'll need a gun when I break up with this crazy fucker. FML
by Anonymous / 01/22/2015 at 1:41am / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, at Walmart, a crazy old woman bitched me out for being pregnant. She kept following me around, calling me a stupid teen slut and saying she hoped my baby died so I could live a "normal life". I'm 26 and just very short. FML
by Anonymous / 01/21/2015 at 9:34am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in his car. We were in the front seat and I was on top. My ass hit the horn and scared my boyfriend so bad, he jumped, causing me to hit my head so hard that I swear I got a concussion. FML
by chelse_elyce / 01/20/2015 at 11:10pm / United States / Intimacy
- Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus… Today, I’m on a mission in Africa. My company driver is so old, deaf and half blind that I have to…