twofirstnames

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twofirstnames

9Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 14 May 1996 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 6800
  • Number of comments : 207
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About twofirstnames : My names Kailey. That's about it.
You can follow me on twitter @kaileyallison
If you ever want to talk(:

twofirstnames's page activity

Visits<b>chewsef</b> - the 05/22/2016 at 12:08am<b>billboob</b> - the 05/20/2016 at 8:09am<b>TheWeeknd</b> - the 05/12/2016 at 5:55am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/11/2016 at 12:13am<b>LowExpectations</b> - the 04/18/2016 at 9:09am<b>_kristaaxo</b> - the 04/11/2016 at 3:53am<b>niftyismybitch</b> - the 03/30/2016 at 1:39pm<b>oloy</b> - the 03/19/2016 at 6:16pm<b>powerkeep</b> - the 03/04/2016 at 2:27am<b>thefaekitten</b> - the 02/20/2016 at 5:21pm<b>theFickleFinger</b> - the 02/17/2016 at 4:00pm<b>losersanonymous</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 12:08pm<b>dno79</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 4:28am<b>flannelboss27</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 8:47pm<b>AKanon</b> - the 01/11/2016 at 2:33am<b>taranoelr</b> - the 12/31/2015 at 7:33pm<b>heybro19</b> - the 12/22/2015 at 11:10pm<b>HarshD9619</b> - the 12/14/2015 at 5:20am

Fucked!<b>billboob</b> - the 05/20/2016 at 2:09pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/17/2016 at 2:49pm<b>dno79</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 10:28am<b>Envy22</b> - the 10/28/2015 at 8:03pm<b>karacakal2</b> - the 07/11/2015 at 10:26pm<b>taylorzgoines</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 5:29am<b>nhbasskid13</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 4:46am<b>MrFloooo</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 7:29am<b>snowaholicmxz</b> - the 10/25/2014 at 12:21am

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twofirstnames's favorite FMLs

Today, I was terribly nervous for my patient interview exam as a 4th year medical student. In my nervousness I learned that just because a patient is wearing a T-shirt and shorts, has a short hair cut and a moustache and is named 'Chris', it is not safe to assume that they are male. FML

by Monday / 12/02/2011 at 9:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I told my son he couldn't have a toy. He threw a fit, looked me in the eye, and screamed, "Daddy's right! You are a bitch!" The whole store was watching. FML

by jessi / 12/02/2011 at 8:22am / United States / Kids

Today, I received a few new fish for my aquarium as presents for my birthday. It just so happened that these fish were carrying diseases that left me with a tank full of dead fish. Happy birthday. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2011 at 1:36am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, I saw my dad for the first time in ten years. He was stealing my car. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2011 at 1:15am / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, a private number called me telling me to "Beware the water bottles" as soon as a water bottle flew through my open window, hitting me. FML

by waterbottlehit / 12/02/2011 at 12:23am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that my hairdo must resemble a rat. I found out when a hawk swooped down and dug its claws into my head while I was sunbathing. FML

by inpain / 12/02/2011 at 12:14am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML

by pops up / 12/01/2011 at 5:25pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, my fiancé insists that instead of kissing at the crucial moment of our wedding ceremony, we should give each other a high five. FML

by no low five / 11/30/2011 at 6:17am / United States / Love

Today, I discovered that you should always unplug the electric mixer before licking the beaters. FML

by seanjohn268 / 11/29/2011 at 12:21pm / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was leaving Wal-mart, a huge group of birds settled along the wire above the street. I thought it would be hilarious to scare them, so I stuck my head out the window and screamed. The birds responded by simultaneously shitting on my car in very neat rows. FML

by birdfoooo / 11/29/2011 at 10:26am / United States / Transportation

Today, I woke up to the smell of bacon. It smelled so good, and made me very hungry. Then I realized it was my neighbor cooking. I have no money or bacon. FML

by Username / 11/25/2011 at 11:15am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my son told me he was afraid of monsters under his bed. When I poked my head under to show him nothing was there, the family cat sprang out and clawed me in the face. Now I have a gash on my chin, and my son refuses to go anywhere near his bed. FML

by Anonymous / 11/24/2011 at 12:07pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend told me that if I ever cheated on him, he'll chop my body up and dispose of all the parts, but keep my boobies, because he likes them. FML

by Faithful / 11/24/2011 at 5:01am / Singapore / Intimacy

Today, I went to my doctor. I casually asked him why I keep getting headaches after I masturbate. He said it probably was a sign from God. FML

by toomuch / 11/22/2011 at 4:36am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML

by furryballoon / 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Washington) / Animals