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twofirstnames

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twofirstnames

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 14 May 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4396
  • Number of comments : 207
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About twofirstnames : My names Kailey. That's about it.
You can follow me on twitter @kaileyallison
If you ever want to talk(:

twofirstnames's page activity

Visits<b>EletricAvenue</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 11:12pm<b>alexishbu</b> - the 08/06/2014 at 9:43am<b>orbit</b> - the 08/04/2014 at 7:13pm<b>coolsoccer1234</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 9:27pm<b>sethe99</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 10:22pm<b>csjmcc</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 4:52am<b>Ironmayhem</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 12:23am<b>SpeedToast</b> - the 06/21/2014 at 9:44pm<b>Leo619</b> - the 06/20/2014 at 5:52pm<b>threer</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 8:54pm<b>dZiNex</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 3:19pm<b>Hieroglyph</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 2:25pm<b>jacxiaojie</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 10:54am<b>comedybreak</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 2:10am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/30/2014 at 8:57am<b>bananagoat</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 12:18am<b>theduffyreport</b> - the 04/23/2014 at 12:21am<b>black_day</b> - the 04/10/2014 at 12:56pm

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twofirstnames's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband and I went to my overbearing mom's 57th birthday party. He opened his gift in front of her and said smugly, "The makeup's for your face, and the prayer book's for the fat rolls." Any hope of family peace is now lost. FML

#18414489
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21530) - you deserved it (3172)

On 12/02/2011 at 8:35pm - love - by bad blood, no shit (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was terribly nervous for my patient interview exam as a 4th year medical student. In my nervousness I learned that just because a patient is wearing a T-shirt and shorts, has a short hair cut and a moustache and is named 'Chris', it is not safe to assume that they are male. FML

#18410783
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30271) - you deserved it (3808)

On 12/02/2011 at 9:40am - work - by Monday (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I told my son he couldn't have a toy. He threw a fit, looked me in the eye, and screamed, "Daddy's right! You are a bitch!" The whole store was watching. FML

#18410529
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35044) - you deserved it (6001)

On 12/02/2011 at 8:22am - kids - by jessi - United States

Today, I received a few new fish for my aquarium as presents for my birthday. It just so happened that these fish were carrying diseases that left me with a tank full of dead fish. Happy birthday. FML

#18409440
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26325) - you deserved it (2483)

On 12/02/2011 at 1:36am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I saw my dad for the first time in ten years. He was stealing my car. FML

#18409313
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41872) - you deserved it (2270)

On 12/02/2011 at 1:15am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, a private number called me telling me to "Beware the water bottles" as soon as a water bottle flew through my open window, hitting me. FML

#18408949
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25038) - you deserved it (2986)

On 12/02/2011 at 12:23am - misc - by waterbottlehit (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I learned that my hairdo must resemble a rat. I found out when a hawk swooped down and dug its claws into my head while I was sunbathing. FML

#18408881
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21805) - you deserved it (5558)

On 12/02/2011 at 12:14am - animals - by inpain - United States (California)

Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML

#18404973
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39914) - you deserved it (9431)

On 12/01/2011 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by pops up - United States (Missouri)

Today, my fiancé insists that instead of kissing at the crucial moment of our wedding ceremony, we should give each other a high five. FML

#18392410
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39197) - you deserved it (5519)

On 11/30/2011 at 6:17am - love - by no low five (woman) - United States

Today, I discovered that you should always unplug the electric mixer before licking the beaters. FML

#18384979
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9528) - you deserved it (59104)

On 11/29/2011 at 12:21pm - misc - by seanjohn268 (man) - Canada

Today, as I was leaving Wal-mart, a huge group of birds settled along the wire above the street. I thought it would be hilarious to scare them, so I stuck my head out the window and screamed. The birds responded by simultaneously shitting on my car in very neat rows. FML

#18384349
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6381) - you deserved it (48250)

On 11/29/2011 at 10:26am - misc - by birdfoooo - United States

Today, I woke up to the smell of bacon. It smelled so good, and made me very hungry. Then I realized it was my neighbor cooking. I have no money or bacon. FML

#18346168
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25959) - you deserved it (3670)

On 11/25/2011 at 11:15am - misc - by Username - United States

Today, my son told me he was afraid of monsters under his bed. When I poked my head under to show him nothing was there, the family cat sprang out and clawed me in the face. Now I have a gash on my chin, and my son refuses to go anywhere near his bed. FML

#18336712
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31294) - you deserved it (3276)

On 11/24/2011 at 12:07pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend told me that if I ever cheated on him, he'll chop my body up and dispose of all the parts, but keep my boobies, because he likes them. FML

#18334603
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44971) - you deserved it (7012)

On 11/24/2011 at 5:01am - intimacy - by Faithful - Singapore

Today, I went to my doctor. I casually asked him why I keep getting headaches after I masturbate. He said it probably was a sign from God. FML

#18314611
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34178) - you deserved it (11464)

On 11/22/2011 at 4:36am - intimacy - by toomuch (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



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