twofirstnames

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twofirstnames

10Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 14 May 1996 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7158
  • Number of comments : 207
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About twofirstnames : My names Kailey. That's about it.
You can follow me on twitter @kaileyallison
If you ever want to talk(:

twofirstnames's page activity

Visits<b>ughitseve</b> - 22 hours ago<b>dno79</b> - 22 hours ago<b>Spongegar123</b> - the 06/23/2016 at 7:45am<b>SiraSiemens</b> - the 06/15/2016 at 6:47am<b>flyingflies</b> - the 06/07/2016 at 12:24am<b>chewsef</b> - the 05/22/2016 at 12:08am<b>billboob</b> - the 05/20/2016 at 8:09am<b>TheWeeknd</b> - the 05/12/2016 at 5:55am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/11/2016 at 12:13am<b>LowExpectations</b> - the 04/18/2016 at 9:09am<b>_kristaaxo</b> - the 04/11/2016 at 3:53am<b>niftyismybitch</b> - the 03/30/2016 at 1:39pm<b>oloy</b> - the 03/19/2016 at 6:16pm<b>powerkeep</b> - the 03/04/2016 at 2:27am<b>thefaekitten</b> - the 02/20/2016 at 5:21pm<b>theFickleFinger</b> - the 02/17/2016 at 4:00pm<b>losersanonymous</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 12:08pm<b>flannelboss27</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 8:47pm

Fucked!<b>SiraSiemens</b> - the 06/15/2016 at 11:29am<b>billboob</b> - the 05/20/2016 at 2:09pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/17/2016 at 2:49pm<b>dno79</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 10:28am<b>Envy22</b> - the 10/28/2015 at 8:03pm<b>karacakal2</b> - the 07/11/2015 at 10:26pm<b>taylorzgoines</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 5:29am<b>nhbasskid13</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 4:46am<b>MrFloooo</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 7:29am

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twofirstnames's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend insisted that the dog stay in our bedroom while we had sex. He said it would prove his dominance, and "show the dog who's boss." My boyfriend needs to prove his self-worth to an animal. FML

by HBC / 12/10/2011 at 2:23am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the back seat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML

by Notadrinkanddriveidiot / 12/07/2011 at 9:46am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to sit through chemistry class watching the kid in front of me slowly peel off the scabs on his arms, examine them, and then eat them. For an hour. FML

by cuppycakeslove / 12/07/2011 at 6:35am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, my girlfriend shoved a Q-tip up my ass while I was brushing my teeth. FML

by Surprisebuttsecks? / 12/06/2011 at 11:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I put a blue toilet cleaner square in the back of toilet. My fiancé called me later on freaking out because he couldn't get the "blue water to go away" when he flushed. FML

by sparklethelette / 12/06/2011 at 8:38pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I went to a concert. Being 6'5" was a great advantage because I could see the stage from wherever I was stood. On the downside, I was used by people as a meeting point. FML

by jackgrant / 12/06/2011 at 8:01pm / Iran Islamic Republic of / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying "only these guns" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. And neither will the cops down at the station. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2011 at 12:24pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that the word 'randy' means 'horny' in England. I'm going to England next semester to study abroad. My name is Randy. FML

by ThisIsGonnaBeAwkward / 12/06/2011 at 10:36am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my parents bought purity rings for my twin brother and me for our birthday, and had them blessed by our priest. Neither of us are virgins. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2011 at 12:23am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2011 at 8:01am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend was disgusted because I dropped a Skittle on the floor and ate it. He thought peeing on me in the shower was just fine. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2011 at 2:35am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I played Taboo with my boyfriend and my conservative family. It was my boyfriend's turn and his word was "cherry". His only clue to me was, "I popped your..." He was the only one who found it funny. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2011 at 12:44am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was at my job as a bartender where I had to listen to a 40-something man with no legs drunkenly explain just how much he loves nipples. FML

by sugarbeet / 12/03/2011 at 8:39pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML

by trembelwick / 12/03/2011 at 5:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my husband and I went to my overbearing mom's 57th birthday party. He opened his gift in front of her and said smugly, "The makeup's for your face, and the prayer book's for the fat rolls." Any hope of family peace is now lost. FML

by bad blood, no shit / 12/02/2011 at 8:35pm / United States (Illinois) / Love