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twofirstnames

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 14 May 1996 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5493
  • Number of comments : 207
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About twofirstnames : My names Kailey. That's about it.
You can follow me on twitter @kaileyallison
If you ever want to talk(:

twofirstnames's page activity

Visits<b>colinabi</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 5:40pm<b>cheesus245</b> - the 08/12/2015 at 11:48am<b>mcdekree</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 1:10pm<b>getindoe69</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 5:08am<b>JackHuason</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 8:47pm<b>NthDakotaBeaches</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 9:11pm<b>Wontonfon</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 5:01am<b>karacakal2</b> - the 07/11/2015 at 4:26pm<b>hullarms</b> - the 06/26/2015 at 10:04am<b>nickstaab50</b> - the 05/20/2015 at 6:46am<b>ishmelbacon</b> - the 05/14/2015 at 2:13am<b>duckyyyduck</b> - the 05/12/2015 at 3:27pm<b>Bricktothehead</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 10:58pm<b>taylorzgoines</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 11:29pm<b>nhbasskid13</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 10:46pm<b>Aly_donawho</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 7:47pm<b>lil_jimmy</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 5:16am<b>hotel135</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 1:54am

Fucked!<b>karacakal2</b> - the 07/11/2015 at 10:26pm<b>taylorzgoines</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 5:29am<b>nhbasskid13</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 4:46am<b>MrFloooo</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 7:29am<b>snowaholicmxz</b> - the 10/25/2014 at 12:21am

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twofirstnames's favorite FMLs

Today, I made a fake Facebook account for a girl, and then set my relationship status to make it look like the fake person was my girlfriend. Someone found out and hacked the fake account. My fake girlfriend just dumped me over Facebook. FML

#18547813
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10534) - you deserved it (61059)

On 12/18/2011 at 8:24pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML

#18540980
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34030) - you deserved it (2650)

On 12/18/2011 at 12:18am - misc - by scammed - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML

#18540980
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34030) - you deserved it (2650)

On 12/18/2011 at 12:18am - misc - by scammed - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I discovered that for the last six months my mother has been leaving my TV on FOX while I sleep, in the hope that my subconscious will absorb it and turn me into "a morally-upright human being". FML

#18529063
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29514) - you deserved it (4767)

On 12/16/2011 at 5:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had two of my wisdom teeth removed. One side of my face is completely swollen, and the other is normal. I feel like the elephant man. FML

#18528725
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20333) - you deserved it (3925)

On 12/16/2011 at 4:13pm - misc - by HR (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the heating in my house broke down. I called my boyfriend and asked if I could stay at his place until I could get it fixed. He said no, and told me my overgrown leg hair would keep me warm. FML

#18528307
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28016) - you deserved it (12605)

On 12/16/2011 at 3:11pm - love - by Anonymous - Sweden (Hallands Lan)

Today, I went to eat the orange I'd brought to work, but couldn't find it. After minutes searching, I found it. Nailed to the ceiling. FML

#18517264
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27941) - you deserved it (2728)

On 12/15/2011 at 1:57am - work - by Username - United States (California)

Today, my husband changed the voice on my car's GPS to Mr T's. I don't know how to change it back. I've been saying, "I pity the fool" over and over again ever since. FML

#18510240
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22730) - you deserved it (5184)

On 12/14/2011 at 9:06am - misc - by annoyed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I had been hiding the ring in the sock drawer. When I went to retrieve it, the ring was gone and in its place was a sticky note that said "NO." FML

#18508427
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54688) - you deserved it (3334)

On 12/14/2011 at 12:15am - love - by newlysingle (man) - United States

Today, I took a poop that was three states of matter. Solid, liquid, and gas. FML

#18507550
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25400) - you deserved it (7564)

On 12/13/2011 at 10:45pm - health - by brownunderwear - United States (Washington)

Today, I took my last final on a Scantron sheet with 200 multiple choice questions, with seconds to spare. When I finished the last question, I saw I had another bubble to fill in and I didn't know where I screwed up. FML

#18502808
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53612) - you deserved it (5825)

On 12/13/2011 at 12:24pm - misc - by testesential - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I saw a quarter in my poop. My friends say I do stupid things when I get drunk. Apparently, eating change is one of them. FML

#18500551
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9528) - you deserved it (34727)

On 12/13/2011 at 1:32am - health - by photomark - United States

Today, I saw a quarter in my poop. My friends say I do stupid things when I get drunk. Apparently, eating change is one of them. FML

#18500551
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9528) - you deserved it (34727)

On 12/13/2011 at 1:32am - health - by photomark - United States

Today, it's the last day of finals week. Unfortunately the only test I've passed this week is the pregnancy test I took during my lunch break in a Subway bathroom. FML

#18499980
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18638) - you deserved it (46615)

On 12/13/2011 at 12:16am - health - by LogicalMolly - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML

#18483356
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52080) - you deserved it (8204)

On 12/11/2011 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



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