twofirstnames

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twofirstnames

10Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 14 May 1996 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7150
  • Number of comments : 207
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About twofirstnames : My names Kailey. That's about it.
You can follow me on twitter @kaileyallison
If you ever want to talk(:

twofirstnames's page activity

Visits<b>ughitseve</b> - 2 hours ago<b>dno79</b> - 2 hours ago<b>Spongegar123</b> - the 06/23/2016 at 7:45am<b>SiraSiemens</b> - the 06/15/2016 at 6:47am<b>flyingflies</b> - the 06/07/2016 at 12:24am<b>chewsef</b> - the 05/22/2016 at 12:08am<b>billboob</b> - the 05/20/2016 at 8:09am<b>TheWeeknd</b> - the 05/12/2016 at 5:55am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/11/2016 at 12:13am<b>LowExpectations</b> - the 04/18/2016 at 9:09am<b>_kristaaxo</b> - the 04/11/2016 at 3:53am<b>niftyismybitch</b> - the 03/30/2016 at 1:39pm<b>oloy</b> - the 03/19/2016 at 6:16pm<b>powerkeep</b> - the 03/04/2016 at 2:27am<b>thefaekitten</b> - the 02/20/2016 at 5:21pm<b>theFickleFinger</b> - the 02/17/2016 at 4:00pm<b>losersanonymous</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 12:08pm<b>flannelboss27</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 8:47pm

Fucked!<b>SiraSiemens</b> - the 06/15/2016 at 11:29am<b>billboob</b> - the 05/20/2016 at 2:09pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/17/2016 at 2:49pm<b>dno79</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 10:28am<b>Envy22</b> - the 10/28/2015 at 8:03pm<b>karacakal2</b> - the 07/11/2015 at 10:26pm<b>taylorzgoines</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 5:29am<b>nhbasskid13</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 4:46am<b>MrFloooo</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 7:29am

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twofirstnames's favorite FMLs

Today, I was woken up early in the morning by the sound of my mother frantically crying out for help. Apparently she had tried, unsuccessfully, to "end the suffering" of an injured squirrel by drowning it in the toilet. How? By placing it into the bowl and smothering it with clothes. My clothes. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2011 at 1:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was wanking and started thinking about why the Simpsons are yellow, and how that came to be. I haven't been laid in 4 years and my ADD is so crippling that I can't jack off. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2011 at 1:18am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, my separation anxiety got so intense, I found myself smelling my boyfriend's pillow. FML

Today, my business is doing so badly that people are teaching their kids to drive in the empty parking lot. FML

by Thomas / 12/20/2011 at 10:18pm / United States (South Carolina) / Work

Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML

by Anonymous / 12/20/2011 at 9:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my first day working as a nightclub bartender. All through the evening, a really creepy bloke stood in a dark corner and leered at the girls on the dance floor. When I took the bouncer to one side to let him know, he told me the man was a coat stand. FML

by Bob smith / 12/19/2011 at 3:57pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, my girlfriend tried to cover my eyes while I was driving on the main street, all because she caught me looking at an ad featuring bikini-clad girls on the bus ahead of our car. FML

by Anonymous / 12/19/2011 at 3:31pm / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes "betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML

by Anonymous / 12/19/2011 at 3:08pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was walking down the street, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. It wasn't all that embarrassing, until I walked two more feet and slipped again. The second time, a man pulled over and loudly asked if I was drunk. FML

by This girl / 12/19/2011 at 1:01pm / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous

Today, thanks to some asshole with a padlock, I got trapped in porta potty for over an hour. FML

by stinkyhair / 12/19/2011 at 12:48pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother told me I looked like a hooker in my wedding dress. Thanks mommy. FML

by mo / 12/19/2011 at 2:55am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, while sleeping, my foot was stabbed by something in my bed and I woke up to it bleeding. I looked around for the cause and found nothing. Now I'm afraid to go to sleep because it might happen again. FML

by Anonymous / 12/19/2011 at 2:35am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, while having sex, my girlfriend suddenly broke down and started crying. Apparently, when I'm horny, my face reminds her of her dead dog. FML

by lovely / 12/19/2011 at 1:43am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Intimacy

Today, I was working on the computer when my dad walks in, pointing his finger at me like a gun. Before I could even ask, it turns out he was aiming a rubber band at me. The doctor says I'll be able to take off my eye patch in a couple of days. FML

by suhleedah18 / 12/19/2011 at 12:03am / United States / Health

Today, I went with my friend door-to-door selling chocolates. We went to the first house, and the guy decided to buy a chocolate from each of us. He didn't have change and neither did we, so he just took the chocolates and slammed the door in our face. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2011 at 8:52pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Money