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twofirstnames

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 14 May 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4457
  • Number of comments : 207
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About twofirstnames : My names Kailey. That's about it.
You can follow me on twitter @kaileyallison
If you ever want to talk(:

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Visits<b>EletricAvenue</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 11:12pm<b>alexishbu</b> - the 08/06/2014 at 9:43am<b>orbit</b> - the 08/04/2014 at 7:13pm<b>coolsoccer1234</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 9:27pm<b>sethe99</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 10:22pm<b>csjmcc</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 4:52am<b>Ironmayhem</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 12:23am<b>SpeedToast</b> - the 06/21/2014 at 9:44pm<b>Leo619</b> - the 06/20/2014 at 5:52pm<b>threer</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 8:54pm<b>dZiNex</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 3:19pm<b>Hieroglyph</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 2:25pm<b>jacxiaojie</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 10:54am<b>comedybreak</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 2:10am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/30/2014 at 8:57am<b>bananagoat</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 12:18am<b>theduffyreport</b> - the 04/23/2014 at 12:21am<b>black_day</b> - the 04/10/2014 at 12:56pm

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twofirstnames's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend referred to her yeast infection as "making bread." I can never look at bread the same way. FML

#18623921
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24821) - you deserved it (2810)

On 12/27/2011 at 10:15am - health - by themuffinman (man) - Japan

Today, I was woken up early in the morning by the sound of my mother frantically crying out for help. Apparently she had tried, unsuccessfully, to "end the suffering" of an injured squirrel by drowning it in the toilet. How? By placing it into the bowl and smothering it with clothes. My clothes. FML

#18570075
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28206) - you deserved it (2273)

On 12/21/2011 at 1:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was wanking and starting thinking about why the Simpsons are yellow, and how that came to be. I haven't been laid in 4 years and my ADD is so crippling that I can't jack off. FML

#18567252
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29539) - you deserved it (5592)

On 12/21/2011 at 1:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my separation anxiety got so intense, I found myself smelling my boyfriend's pillow. FML

#18566755
148 comments

Today, my business is doing so badly that people are teaching their kids to drive in the empty parking lot. FML

#18565836
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29834) - you deserved it (2522)

On 12/20/2011 at 10:18pm - work - by Thomas - United States (South Carolina)

Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML

#18565100
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21472) - you deserved it (5342)

On 12/20/2011 at 9:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, it was my first day working as a nightclub bartender. All through the evening, a really creepy bloke stood in a dark corner and leered at the girls on the dance floor. When I took the bouncer to one side to let him know, he told me the man was a coat stand. FML

#18554140
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11454) - you deserved it (28710)

On 12/19/2011 at 3:57pm - work - by Bob smith (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend tried to cover my eyes while I was driving on the main street, all because she caught me looking at an ad featuring bikini-clad girls on the bus ahead of our car. FML

#18553944
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26021) - you deserved it (5445)

On 12/19/2011 at 3:31pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes "betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML

#18553811
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25893) - you deserved it (3011)

On 12/19/2011 at 3:08pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking down the street, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. It wasn't all that embarrassing, until I walked two more feet and slipped again. The second time, a man pulled over and loudly asked if I was drunk. FML

#18553148
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24264) - you deserved it (2900)

On 12/19/2011 at 1:01pm - misc - by This girl (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, thanks to some asshole with a padlock, I got trapped in porta potty for over an hour. FML

#18553074
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30346) - you deserved it (2402)

On 12/19/2011 at 12:48pm - misc - by stinkyhair (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mother told me I looked like a hooker in my wedding dress. Thanks mommy. FML

#18551023
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33105) - you deserved it (6435)

On 12/19/2011 at 2:55am - intimacy - by mo (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while sleeping, my foot was stabbed by something in my bed and I woke up to it bleeding. I looked around for the cause and found nothing. Now I'm afraid to go to sleep because it might happen again. FML

#18550931
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29403) - you deserved it (2379)

On 12/19/2011 at 2:35am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, while having sex, my girlfriend suddenly broke down and started crying. Apparently, when I'm horny, my face reminds her of her dead dog. FML

#18550622
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40504) - you deserved it (4061)

On 12/19/2011 at 1:43am - intimacy - by lovely (man) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I was working on the computer when my dad walks in, pointing his finger at me like a gun. Before I could even ask, it turns out he was aiming a rubber band at me. The doctor says I'll be able to take off my eye patch in a couple of days. FML

#18549843
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29337) - you deserved it (2230)

On 12/19/2011 at 12:03am - health - by suhleedah18 - United States



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