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twofirstnames

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 14 May 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4476
  • Number of comments : 207
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About twofirstnames : My names Kailey. That's about it.
You can follow me on twitter @kaileyallison
If you ever want to talk(:

twofirstnames's page activity

Visits<b>EletricAvenue</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 11:12pm<b>alexishbu</b> - the 08/06/2014 at 9:43am<b>orbit</b> - the 08/04/2014 at 7:13pm<b>coolsoccer1234</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 9:27pm<b>sethe99</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 10:22pm<b>csjmcc</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 4:52am<b>Ironmayhem</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 12:23am<b>SpeedToast</b> - the 06/21/2014 at 9:44pm<b>Leo619</b> - the 06/20/2014 at 5:52pm<b>threer</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 8:54pm<b>dZiNex</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 3:19pm<b>Hieroglyph</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 2:25pm<b>jacxiaojie</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 10:54am<b>comedybreak</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 2:10am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/30/2014 at 8:57am<b>bananagoat</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 12:18am<b>theduffyreport</b> - the 04/23/2014 at 12:21am<b>black_day</b> - the 04/10/2014 at 12:56pm

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twofirstnames's favorite FMLs

Today, the captain of my school's girls wrestling team asked me out. I politely declined. She angrily locked me in the trunk of my own car. FML

#19165097
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32348) - you deserved it (5485)

On 02/26/2012 at 1:12am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I received a package from an unknown address. Inside were doll heads and cigarette butts. FML

#18903953
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27624) - you deserved it (2146)

On 01/24/2012 at 11:51pm - misc - by JellitonOctopus - United States (California)

Today, I got my period at school. I didn't notice until a boy asked me if I'd killed someone in my pants. FML

#18802819
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42613) - you deserved it (3827)

On 01/14/2012 at 2:47am - health - by shitttyyyday - United States

Today, I got my period at school. I didn't notice until a boy asked me if I'd killed someone in my pants. FML

#18802819
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42613) - you deserved it (3827)

On 01/14/2012 at 2:47am - health - by shitttyyyday - United States

Today, I've had chairs thrown at me, kicks have hit me in the nuts and I've heard "I'm gonna fucking kill you, bitch" several times. I work at a kindergarten. And this is a good day compared to what I'm used to. FML

#18783134
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38529) - you deserved it (3383)

On 01/12/2012 at 6:54am - kids - by Anonymous - Sweden

Today, I couldn't contain my laughter when a patient told me she'd named her unborn daughter Twinkie. FML

#18728006
400 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31655) - you deserved it (4835)

On 01/06/2012 at 5:49pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML

#18716901
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37260) - you deserved it (4929) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/05/2012 at 3:40pm - animals - by Fat_abott - France

Today, I found out that I've been using a "Trick Scale" that my family bought to boost my self esteem so I'd think I was losing weight. I found this out at my physical, where I learned I have actually gained ten pounds. FML

#18631764
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26107) - you deserved it (4203)

On 12/28/2011 at 2:57am - health - by Fatty - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night, crying. When I asked her why, she said that she had a dream where we were getting married. FML

#18630466
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31267) - you deserved it (3103)

On 12/28/2011 at 12:26am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while cuddling, my boyfriend excused himself to get a napkin. When he came back, he nervously admitted he'd got a booger in my hair. He then couldn't get it completely out. FML

#18628918
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23418) - you deserved it (2318)

On 12/27/2011 at 9:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was driving home from work when I saw the woman in the car in front of me throw something out the window. Only when it landed on my windshield did I realize what it was. A bloody tampon. FML

#18626777
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42428) - you deserved it (2224)

On 12/27/2011 at 5:32pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML

#18625590
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33669) - you deserved it (5324)

On 12/27/2011 at 2:53pm - misc - by ericane27 - United States

Today, I walked into my elderly grandmother's trailer, used the bathroom and went to wash my hands. She had a soft spot in the floor that she covered with a bathmat. I fell through. Right leg up to my hip in the floor, boobs stuck on the counter. My husband and grandmother stood there laughing. FML

#18624537
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23719) - you deserved it (2676)

On 12/27/2011 at 12:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my 10-year-old brother got the bright idea to urinate in my oven to cool it off. My whole house smells like burnt piss. FML

#18624102
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30986) - you deserved it (2782)

On 12/27/2011 at 10:53am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my extremely OCD girlfriend wouldn't have sex with me because my bedroom wasn't "properly symmetrical." FML

#18623946
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30135) - you deserved it (6461)

On 12/27/2011 at 10:20am - intimacy - by gtfoocd (man) - United States (Connecticut)



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