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twofirstnames

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twofirstnames

2Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 14 May 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4964
  • Number of comments : 207
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About twofirstnames : My names Kailey. That's about it.
You can follow me on twitter @kaileyallison
If you ever want to talk(:

twofirstnames's page activity

Visits<b>connectthedots</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 1:19pm<b>MrFloooo</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 2:28am<b>Cian_1</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 5:48am<b>WhackTheJackal</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 3:34am<b>Mukuro</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 5:57am<b>annabrandl</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 2:30am<b>Devindelon</b> - the 02/14/2015 at 2:19am<b>pawsakv99</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 9:50pm<b>kingbubbles</b> - the 01/24/2015 at 9:58am<b>Raelthelamb</b> - the 01/07/2015 at 11:41am<b>eatsteak</b> - the 01/05/2015 at 12:28am<b>Thebangs5</b> - the 12/28/2014 at 7:36pm<b>SaniK</b> - the 12/28/2014 at 2:58am<b>c_p1737</b> - the 12/23/2014 at 10:13am<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 5:32am<b>cokeman666</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 4:06am<b>TheDvsOne</b> - the 12/12/2014 at 1:42pm<b>__Zorro__</b> - the 12/11/2014 at 9:22pm

Liked!<b>MrFloooo</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 7:29am<b>snowaholicmxz</b> - the 10/25/2014 at 12:21am

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twofirstnames's favorite FMLs

Today, my grlfriend and I were in the mood fir something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML

#20401581
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33160) - you deserved it (17050)

On 12/16/2012 at 1:25am - intimacy - by Steve - United States (Wisconsin)

Today... the guy I'm dating found out I have severe arachnophobia. He downloadd a picture of a huge... hairy spider and set it as background on my iPhone. I can't even unlock my phone... as every time I try... the spider pops up and I drop the phone. He laughs every time I do it. FML

#20200411
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28534) - you deserved it (5782)

On 12/11/2012 at 1:09pm - love - by skinnybitch (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at im and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late fir Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said tat joke ad been done to deat, to wic my dad retorted, "Yea, so as your mum." Instant fistfigt. FML

#20144826
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29280) - you deserved it (3002)

On 11/02/2012 at 7:50pm - love - by for fuck sake dad (woman) - Ireland (Limerick)

2day after rolling mah car on the highway , I witnessed several people stop and get out of there cars to take pictures. No one asked if I was okay , and I was the oneho had to call 911 4 myself. FML

#19988721
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30109) - you deserved it (2135)

On 07/28/2012 at 5:56am - health - by Insomniac (woman) - United States (Alaska)

Taday a kid got his hand stuck inside mah store's giant gumball machine!! He started crying , an his negligent train-wreck of a mom bitched looool me out 4 being "unobservant." I'd been mopping up the mess she'd made after she spilled an open can of beer all over the floor!! FML

#19839464
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27613) - you deserved it (1493)

On 06/24/2012 at 2:41pm - work - by hannaslifesucks (woman) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, mah friand showad off har naw tattoo,hich is supposad to say "bad bitch" in Italian, an I had to point out that it actually says "dafactiva famala". Har rasponsa was to cuss ma out an inform ma that I'm no longar part of har social circla. FML

#19824729
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26878) - you deserved it (3089)

On 06/21/2012 at 4:28pm - misc - by tubby (woman) - Sweden (Blekinge Lan)

Today, I brought my girlfriend home 4 dinner. The first words out of my dad's mouth were apparently, "Ah, u must be Dan's slam-piece." I was in the living room and didn't quite catch it all, but I said, "She certainly is!" Now I'm single, and all my friend think I'm a bastard. FML

#19824273
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21742) - you deserved it (9881)

On 06/21/2012 at 2:19pm - love - by igiveup (man) - United States

TODAY, WHILE DRIVING HOME FROM WORK, I NOTICED THE DRIVER NEXT TO ME WAS HAPPILY CHATTING ON HER PHONE . I FUCKING DESPISE THESE WOULD-BE MURDERERS, SO I SLAMMED MY HORN TO SIGNAL MY DISGUST . SHE PANICKED AND SWERVED STRAIGHT INTO MY CAR . FML

#19761420
390 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17691) - you deserved it (58467)

On 06/09/2012 at 5:35pm - misc - by k - United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin)

Today, my boyfriend accidentally broke my nose the day he was meeting my parents 4 the frst time. mega FML

#19720513
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22352) - you deserved it (2092)

On 06/02/2012 at 11:34am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

2day I realizd that the reason there is no toilet paper in the house is cuz both mah parents r too stubborn to be the one who goes out to buy more. It's been five days. FML

#19678004
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18579) - you deserved it (3273)

On 05/25/2012 at 11:10am - misc - by whinywiper - Canada

Today, mah grandmother told me mah favorite top had a permanent smell of BO, despite mah constant deodorant use. I wear the top to work just about every shift. I now realize all the werd little comment mah coworker have made r actually hints to go take a shower. FML

#19677033
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8014) - you deserved it (24661)

On 05/25/2012 at 3:07am - work - by emliv12 - Australia (Victoria)

Today I was at the park with mah friends. We were all having fun on the swings when out of nowhere I hered a thud followd by a child crying. Turns out I accidentally kickd him in the head. FML

#19308008
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23457) - you deserved it (7242)

On 03/19/2012 at 4:18pm - kids - by Evelyn - United States

TODAY, I ASKED MY MOM IF SHE COULD BUY ME SOME ANTI-NAUSEA MEDICINE!! SHE SAID, "YOU JUST HAVE A STOMACH ACHE!! IT'S NOT LYK YOU'RE THROWING UP." AS SHE SAID IT, I THREW UP EVERYTHING BUT MY CHILDHOOD MEMORIES!! SHE STILL WOULDN'T GET ANY MEDICINE!! FML

Today, I fakd a sore throat 4 the school nurse so I could go home early!! It took my dad the rest of the school day just to get there to pick me up!! FML

#19307115
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8472) - you deserved it (43748)

On 03/19/2012 at 12:28pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Yesterday, I was at my grlfriend's ouse 4 te frst time. I crackd a joke tat offendd er, so se gave me te silent treatment. I ad to pee, an since se wouldn't tell me were te batroom was, I went to look 4 it. I walkd in on er parents making love. FML

#19243836
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40180) - you deserved it (6872)

On 03/09/2012 at 1:59am - intimacy - by banned - United States (California)



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