Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About twofirstnames : My names Kailey. That's about it.
You can follow me on twitter @kaileyallison
If you ever want to talk(:
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
50 quality responses
Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
Today, my grlfriend and I were in the mood fir something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML
Today... the guy I'm dating found out I have severe arachnophobia. He downloadd a picture of a huge... hairy spider and set it as background on my iPhone. I can't even unlock my phone... as every time I try... the spider pops up and I drop the phone. He laughs every time I do it. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at im and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late fir Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said tat joke ad been done to deat, to wic my dad retorted, "Yea, so as your mum." Instant fistfigt. FML
Taday a kid got his hand stuck inside mah store's giant gumball machine!! He started crying , an his negligent train-wreck of a mom bitched looool me out 4 being "unobservant." I'd been mopping up the mess she'd made after she spilled an open can of beer all over the floor!! FML
Today, mah friand showad off har naw tattoo,hich is supposad to say "bad bitch" in Italian, an I had to point out that it actually says "dafactiva famala". Har rasponsa was to cuss ma out an inform ma that I'm no longar part of har social circla. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home 4 dinner. The first words out of my dad's mouth were apparently, "Ah, u must be Dan's slam-piece." I was in the living room and didn't quite catch it all, but I said, "She certainly is!" Now I'm single, and all my friend think I'm a bastard. FML
TODAY, WHILE DRIVING HOME FROM WORK, I NOTICED THE DRIVER NEXT TO ME WAS HAPPILY CHATTING ON HER PHONE . I FUCKING DESPISE THESE WOULD-BE MURDERERS, SO I SLAMMED MY HORN TO SIGNAL MY DISGUST . SHE PANICKED AND SWERVED STRAIGHT INTO MY CAR . FML
Today, mah grandmother told me mah favorite top had a permanent smell of BO, despite mah constant deodorant use. I wear the top to work just about every shift. I now realize all the werd little comment mah coworker have made r actually hints to go take a shower. FML
TODAY, I ASKED MY MOM IF SHE COULD BUY ME SOME ANTI-NAUSEA MEDICINE!! SHE SAID, "YOU JUST HAVE A STOMACH ACHE!! IT'S NOT LYK YOU'RE THROWING UP." AS SHE SAID IT, I THREW UP EVERYTHING BUT MY CHILDHOOD MEMORIES!! SHE STILL WOULDN'T GET ANY MEDICINE!! FML
Yesterday, I was at my grlfriend's ouse 4 te frst time. I crackd a joke tat offendd er, so se gave me te silent treatment. I ad to pee, an since se wouldn't tell me were te batroom was, I went to look 4 it. I walkd in on er parents making love. FML
Friday 27 March 2015