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twofirstnames

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 14 May 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4514
  • Number of comments : 207
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About twofirstnames : My names Kailey. That's about it.
You can follow me on twitter @kaileyallison
If you ever want to talk(:

twofirstnames's page activity

Visits<b>Wolverine33</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 3:16pm<b>yareens</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 2:18pm<b>sdlr32787</b> - the 10/07/2014 at 3:35pm<b>EletricAvenue</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 11:12pm<b>alexishbu</b> - the 08/06/2014 at 9:43am<b>orbit</b> - the 08/04/2014 at 7:13pm<b>coolsoccer1234</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 9:27pm<b>sethe99</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 10:22pm<b>csjmcc</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 4:52am<b>Ironmayhem</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 12:23am<b>SpeedToast</b> - the 06/21/2014 at 9:44pm<b>Leo619</b> - the 06/20/2014 at 5:52pm<b>threer</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 8:54pm<b>dZiNex</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 3:19pm<b>Hieroglyph</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 2:25pm<b>jacxiaojie</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 10:54am<b>comedybreak</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 2:10am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/30/2014 at 8:57am

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twofirstnames's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML

#20401581
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31179) - you deserved it (16375)

On 12/16/2012 at 1:25am - intimacy - by Steve - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, the guy I'm dating found out I have severe arachnophobia. He downloaded a picture of a huge, hairy spider and set it as background on my iPhone. I can't even unlock my phone, as every time I try, the spider pops up and I drop the phone. He laughs every time I do it. FML

#20200411
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28361) - you deserved it (5769)

On 12/11/2012 at 1:09pm - love - by skinnybitch (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML

#20144826
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28425) - you deserved it (2929)

On 11/02/2012 at 7:50pm - love - by for fuck sake dad (woman) - Ireland (Limerick)

Today, after rolling my car on the highway, I witnessed several people stop and get out of their cars to take pictures. No one asked if I was okay, and I was the one who had to call 911 for myself. FML

#19988721
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28987) - you deserved it (2049)

On 07/28/2012 at 5:56am - health - by Insomniac (woman) - United States (Alaska)

Today, a kid got his hand stuck inside my store's giant gumball machine. He started crying, and his negligent train-wreck of a mom bitched me out for being "unobservant." I'd been mopping up the mess she'd made after she spilled an open can of beer all over the floor. FML

#19839464
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27465) - you deserved it (1476)

On 06/24/2012 at 2:41pm - work - by hannaslifesucks (woman) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, my friend showed off her new tattoo, which is supposed to say "bad bitch" in Italian, and I had to point out that it actually says "defective female". Her response was to cuss me out and inform me that I'm no longer part of her social circle. FML

#19824729
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26686) - you deserved it (3079)

On 06/21/2012 at 4:28pm - misc - by tubby (woman) - Sweden (Blekinge Lan)

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for dinner. The first words out of my dad's mouth were apparently, "Ah, you must be Dan's slam-piece." I was in the living room and didn't quite catch it all, but I said, "She certainly is!" Now I'm single, and all my friends think I'm a bastard. FML

#19824273
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21580) - you deserved it (9852)

On 06/21/2012 at 2:19pm - love - by igiveup (man) - United States

Today, while driving home from work, I noticed the driver next to me was happily chatting on her phone. I fucking despise these would-be murderers, so I slammed my horn to signal my disgust. She panicked and swerved straight into my car. FML

#19761420
392 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17252) - you deserved it (57628)

On 06/09/2012 at 5:35pm - misc - by k - United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin)

Today, my boyfriend accidentally broke my nose the day he was meeting my parents for the first time. FML

#19720513
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21688) - you deserved it (2034)

On 06/02/2012 at 11:34am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized that the reason there is no toilet paper in the house is because both my parents are too stubborn to be the one who goes out to buy more. It's been five days. FML

#19678004
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18414) - you deserved it (3265)

On 05/25/2012 at 11:10am - misc - by whinywiper - Canada

Today, my grandmother told me my favorite top had a permanent smell of BO, despite my constant deodorant use. I wear the top to work just about every shift. I now realize all the weird little comments my coworkers have made are actually hints to go take a shower. FML

#19677033
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7794) - you deserved it (24146)

On 05/25/2012 at 3:07am - work - by emliv12 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was at the park with my friends. We were all having fun on the swings, when out of nowhere I heard a thud, followed by a child crying. Turns out I accidentally kicked him in the head. FML

#19308008
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22699) - you deserved it (7117)

On 03/19/2012 at 4:18pm - kids - by Evelyn - United States

Today, I asked my mom if she could buy me some anti-nausea medicine. She said, "You just have a stomach ache. It's not like you're throwing up." As she said it, I threw up everything but my childhood memories. She still wouldn't get any medicine. FML

Today, I faked a sore throat for the school nurse so I could go home early. It took my dad the rest of the school day just to get there to pick me up. FML

#19307115
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7939) - you deserved it (42156)

On 03/19/2012 at 12:28pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for the first time. I cracked a joke that offended her, so she gave me the silent treatment. I had to pee, and since she wouldn't tell me where the bathroom was, I went to look for it. I walked in on her parents making love. FML

#19243836
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39969) - you deserved it (6858)

On 03/09/2012 at 1:59am - intimacy - by banned - United States (California)



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