I'm going to fill in FML moments from the past first, then work my way towards the present until I can give up-to-date updates. You heard me.
Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49275) - you totally deserved it (15411)
On 03/23/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went to withdraw 200 dollars. At the ATM, I noticed a suspicious man standing really close to me. I was nervous about entering my pin number, and worrying he was looking at my account information. In my panic, I got all the way home before realizing that I left the cash in the machine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12135) - you totally deserved it (52558)
On 03/21/2009 at 9:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I walked in on my elderly great-great aunt sitting on her recliner in the living room. There was porn on the TV. Thinking that this was an accidental channel change, I asked, "What in the world are you watching!?" She replied in her sweet frail voice, "Two lesbians getting it on!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (75095) - you totally deserved it (8920)
On 03/19/2009 at 1:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15538) - you totally deserved it (62920)
On 03/19/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by JohnMackSquirts (man) - United States (California)
Today, I saw my boyfriend for the last time for two years. When we got back from dinner, we sat in his truck for a little while to talk. A few minutes later, my mom comes flying out of my house screaming, "Satan is here, and he is tempting you!" That is the last memory he will have of me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60819) - you totally deserved it (2196)
On 03/19/2009 at 12:42am - love - by Fwick (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today, me and my boyfriend came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we proceeded to have sex. Just as it was getting good my phone rings. It was a text from my mom, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell your faking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (68267) - you totally deserved it (29405)
On 03/17/2009 at 4:40pm - intimacy - by MrAwsum (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I called all my family members to invite them over this evening because I had some very important news for them that could not wait. They all declined the invite. When I asked why, they said they were going to my cousins to watch his new TV. FML
I agree, your life sucks (176984) - you totally deserved it (6368)
On 03/17/2009 at 1:47am - health - by Mikey (man) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I babysat 3 year old twins. They have a huge dry erase board hanging inbetween their beds. After they fell asleep I drew a very detailed and large drawing of a penis. When I went to erase it I realized it was in Sharpie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19854) - you totally deserved it (225671)
On 03/15/2009 at 1:47pm - kids - by babysitter (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I got out of the shower and my 3 year old sister comes into the bathroom and says "I want big boobies like yours when I grow up." And from the other room I hear my dad go "Sweetie, you've already got bigger boobs than your sister." FML
I agree, your life sucks (70287) - you totally deserved it (3094)
On 03/15/2009 at 11:47am - misc - by Alexa23 (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, my parents reorganized my whole room when I was out watching a movie with a friend. They got rid of everything they deemed as junk which included my favorite childhood toy, 2 essays due tomorrow, and my old jacket where I keep my money. I'm out $75, and stuck at home rewriting my essays. FML
I agree, your life sucks (114466) - you totally deserved it (7258)
Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (287490) - you totally deserved it (42443)
On 02/05/2009 at 7:06am - love - by Noname - United States (Illinois)
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