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two2

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two2

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  • Number of visits : 14439
  • Number of comments : 16
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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two2's page activity

Visits<b>blinked_281</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 9:06am<b>KPbIM</b> - the 05/25/2009 at 1:47pm<b>onna</b> - the 05/24/2009 at 8:32pm<b>fatfaceunited</b> - the 05/24/2009 at 8:26pm<b>chubs</b> - the 05/13/2009 at 10:35pm<b>ibabyd0llaz</b> - the 05/13/2009 at 5:04pm<b>crazy_chickxoxo</b> - the 05/13/2009 at 11:59am<b>GtaTomV</b> - the 05/13/2009 at 11:29am<b>Ripleyboarder</b> - the 05/13/2009 at 8:52am

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two2's favorite FMLs

Today, while riding in the car with my friends, we stopped at a red light. To our left, a very obese, middle aged man slowly unbuttoned his shirt and spread it out. He then stared at us while massaging his nipples with his thumb and index fingers for the duration of the red light. FML

#5034499
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45213) - you deserved it (5122)

On 09/04/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by Scarred (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML

#4630669
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (116079) - you deserved it (8809)

On 08/18/2009 at 3:20pm - misc - by gbhlaughingstock (man) - United States

Today, I lost a bet with my girlfriend. I now have to wear a shirt saying "Worlds Smallest Penis" everywhere I go for a month. FML

#4627317
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18553) - you deserved it (61776)

On 08/18/2009 at 12:34pm - love - by badtimingdude (man) - Mauritius

Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

#4525246
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59858) - you deserved it (7155)

On 08/14/2009 at 12:57pm - kids - by ohgod (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML

#4421825
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75926) - you deserved it (6567)

On 08/10/2009 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was with my mom and my boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and my mom excitedly says "You have friends!" As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says "Kidding, it's just me." My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML

#4229570
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62886) - you deserved it (6856)

On 08/02/2009 at 1:12pm - misc - by NoFriends - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my girlfriend of eight years explained to me that the Egyptian pyramids were built by aliens from Mars. I have a B.S. in Biology and an M.S. in Anthropology, and I am working on my Ph.D. She thinks I'm an irrational idiot for telling her she is wrong. FML

#3970394
348 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44851) - you deserved it (9415)

On 07/23/2009 at 2:13am - work - by published_anthropologist (man) - United States

Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML

#3932433
362 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55289) - you deserved it (28168)

On 07/21/2009 at 3:45pm - intimacy - by uh-oh (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my dad yesterday about how I always hit the snooze button and just roll over when my alarm goes off, and how that results in me being late for morning classes. My dad thought he'd help out by placing a mousetrap on the snooze button. FML

#3921342
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42895) - you deserved it (27805)

On 07/21/2009 at 1:38am - misc - by emperor (man) - Bangladesh (Dhaka)

Today, I received an email with a link to a story about a man who lost 650 pounds. I ignored it, until I saw who sent it. My mom, with the message "Maybe there's hope for you." FML

#3740812
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41245) - you deserved it (8095)

On 07/14/2009 at 7:41am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my crush came over and we began to fool around. He started to kiss my stomach, and just when I was getting into it, he pulled away with a disgusted look on his face, wiped his mouth, and said, "We'll continue this when you get rid of all your bellybutton lint." FML

#3740095
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19150) - you deserved it (57915)

On 07/14/2009 at 5:41am - intimacy - by unlucky_number13 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came out to my dad. He called me weak minded and said that he has never been more disappointed in me. I didn't come out as gay. I came out as a vegetarian. FML

#3737947
368 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47095) - you deserved it (17402)

On 07/14/2009 at 2:58am - misc - by pkstarstorm (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I thought it would be sexy to cook dinner in lingerie. Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was cooking. I jumped and burned my boobs with boiling cooking oil. FML

#3730184
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47737) - you deserved it (13929)

On 07/13/2009 at 10:25pm - intimacy - by Ouch (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was at Target with my mom and we finished purchasing our items. We had gotten a fan so I said, "This thing is too big to fit in." First thing my mom yells? "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" and starts laughing hysterically in front of the entire store. FML

#3692539
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45801) - you deserved it (11512)

On 07/12/2009 at 2:25pm - misc - by embarrassed (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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