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  • Number of visits : 10790
  • Number of comments : 83
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 15 posted

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turnedoffTVgrey's favorite FMLs

Today, I discovered my 18 year old son has been peeing on the carpet when he is too lazy to get out of bed in the morning and blaming it on the cat. FML

#3998492
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70429) - you deserved it (7021)

On 07/24/2009 at 3:04am - kids - by tony (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really hit it off with. Then he admitted that he was a recovering heroin addict and had to cut our date short to go to the methadone clinic. When I got home, I realized that my wallet was missing $40. I think he lied about the "recovering" part. FML

#3689425
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42062) - you deserved it (4461)

On 07/12/2009 at 9:29am - love - by vividrabbit (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my friend decided to come clean to his parents about his pot usage. He told them that he did it with me on many occasions. His parents decided it would be the right thing to call my parents. Thanks a lot asshole. FML

#3165947
412 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26669) - you deserved it (60078)

On 06/24/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by jerk (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking around the park with my wife. Out of nowhere, a little girl on a bicycle slammed in to me, knocking me to the ground. As I rolled over, sure that my ankle was broken, her father ran over to me. He screamed, "Watch where you're going, douchebag!" FML

#3107443
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59180) - you deserved it (2801)

On 06/22/2009 at 12:11am - kids - by Al (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I gave a beautiful book of baby names to a friend of mine who's been trying to get pregnant for a while. She just burst into tears when she saw it. Just before meeting me, she'd found out she was sterile. FML

#2962771
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51073) - you deserved it (6434)

On 06/17/2009 at 8:27am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I made a patient really happy. I work in a long term care facility and was changing a woman's diaper. While cleaning her, I somehow managed to give her an orgasm with a warm wash cloth. FML

#2850957
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67272) - you deserved it (4374)

On 06/13/2009 at 2:40am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was smoking in my car and flicked the butt... into the face of a cop on a motorcycle going the other way. FML

#2846826
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10612) - you deserved it (69950)

On 06/13/2009 at 12:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML

#2831839
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (139331) - you deserved it (9977)

On 06/12/2009 at 2:50pm - misc - by mcullen21 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML

#1693218
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71215) - you deserved it (4626)

On 05/06/2009 at 3:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

#1550190
357 comments

I agree, your life sucks (177596) - you deserved it (45656)

On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went out for a smoke break. A homeless person walks up to me and asks for a cig. As I pull out my pack he says "Oh... Menthols... no I don't smoke that cheap shit". I was called cheap by a hobo. FML

#1187689
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54321) - you deserved it (17954)

On 04/21/2009 at 8:52am - misc - by Kaboom (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

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