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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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turnedoffTVgrey
  • Town/Country : Tallahassee, FL, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 10335
  • Number of comments : 83
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 15 posted

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turnedoffTVgrey's favorite FMLs

Today, I was looking through my computer's history to find a website I had visited. I found an online forum where my son was discussing how to inject Oxycontin. FML

#8132477 (254)

I agree, your life sucks (20165) - you deserved it (2215)

On 02/11/2010 at 2:58pm - kids - by Rehab (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom held an intervention for me. Yesterday, I told her I'd tried pot once. Seven years ago. FML

#6983853 (120)

I agree, your life sucks (21234) - you deserved it (3712)

On 12/28/2009 at 12:02am - health - by EgoMoose (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I finally told my girlfriend I love her. She corrected my grammar. FML

#6978473 (87)

I agree, your life sucks (16126) - you deserved it (5831)

On 12/27/2009 at 7:37pm - love - by ITalkGood - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML

#6971032 (98)

I agree, your life sucks (8636) - you deserved it (17247)

On 12/27/2009 at 8:04am - animals - by axwound (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, from my girlfriend of five years, I got my clothes back, my engagment ring and a card that says, "Merry Christmas! It's me not you." FML

#6940899 (55)

I agree, your life sucks (23016) - you deserved it (1510)

On 12/25/2009 at 3:27pm - love - by C45 (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I walked into Old Navy to buy myself a pair of jingle jammies. Save yourself the embarrassment: don't shake the jammies in the middle of the store to hear the jingling, because these jammies do not jingle. You'll just look like an idiot. FML

#6787004 (67)

I agree, your life sucks (3850) - you deserved it (19675)

On 12/17/2009 at 12:07am - misc - by sarabalism (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I handed my resume in to a cafe that was hiring. I returned home and noticed a voicemail, it was one from the boss for a trial. I eagerly returned the call, showing my enthusiasm. Without thinking, I ended with "ok love you. *GASP* ah, BYE" and quickly hung up. FML

#6774546 (51)

I agree, your life sucks (6877) - you deserved it (15085)

On 12/16/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by babyfatt - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML

#6276981 (218)

I agree, your life sucks (22998) - you deserved it (5545)

On 11/12/2009 at 7:05pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at AT&T getting my phone fixed. At one point, the salesman said 'you should see this'. It was a text message from some girl apologizing for sleeping with my boyfriend for the past four months, and telling me that they were moving him out of our apartment. FML

#5998375 (39)

I agree, your life sucks (24059) - you deserved it (1073)

On 10/25/2009 at 10:00pm - love - by LTJFP (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was eating M&Ms on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML

#5187635 (136)

I agree, your life sucks (45754) - you deserved it (10322)

On 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by awilson (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I discovered that I don't have Herpes or Genital warts. I have acne on my penis. FML

#5082348 (276)

I agree, your life sucks (47863) - you deserved it (6375)

On 09/06/2009 at 2:19pm - health - by Curt (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML

#5072943 (143)

I agree, your life sucks (35440) - you deserved it (3919)

On 09/06/2009 at 12:19am - misc - by shoelace18 - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with a blood infection, swollen nuts, and an hole in my butt where I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML

#5021908 (291)

I agree, your life sucks (11184) - you deserved it (47869)

On 09/03/2009 at 3:55pm - health - by keeperstride (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to text the girl I've had a crush on to ask her on a date. I got back the reply, "Error message 3265: Number No Longer In Swrvice." Not only can she not spell, when I looked it up, "error 3265" doesn't even exist. FML

#4606159 (284)

I agree, your life sucks (60041) - you deserved it (5813)

On 08/17/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by ZSL (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is, until I received a text message from my little sister next door reading "If she is making that much noise, she is probably faking it...Trust me, I know." FML

#4329775 (210)

I agree, your life sucks (55255) - you deserved it (8737)

On 08/06/2009 at 6:05am - intimacy - by OhFseriously123 (man) - Italy (Lombardia)