Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

trismagestus

Search for a member

trismagestus
  • Town/Country : Wellington, New Zealand
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 27 April 1980 (33 years)
  • Number of visits : 602
  • Number of comments : 46
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About trismagestus : I'm a web desinger from Wellington, NZ.

trismagestus's last visitors

kiwi2006lmc94DragonitePaladinshrdlufthislyfeFreezeMr_Alarm

trismagestus's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of trismagestus's badges

trismagestus's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband declined a $100k/year job due to him thinking that a full time job at one work place would be too 'depressing'. I'm a nurse and have to wipe other people's arses for a living, then come home to this lazy dick. FML

#17416952
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40531) - you deserved it (7558)

On 08/09/2011 at 9:48am - work - by Lauren - Australia (South Australia)

Today, in one fell swoop, my testicles and spirits were simultaneously crushed into submission by the girl I like. FML

#17389169
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21867) - you deserved it (3841)

On 08/06/2011 at 5:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I met my new roommate. She severely struggled with pronouncing my name, and decided that to save time and the effort, she's just going to call me what she thinks my name sounds like: Lube. FML

#17379183
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18333) - you deserved it (2087)

On 08/05/2011 at 4:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was taking a dump behind a dumpster. I suddenly heard a noise and a vibration against the dumpster. It was a garbage truck lifting it to collect the trash. The garbage men started laughing and took out their phones. FML

#17365713
306 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9243) - you deserved it (69962)

On 08/04/2011 at 10:35am - misc - by jshi8 - United States (Maryland)

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

#17338982
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36941) - you deserved it (10875)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:58am - kids - by ohcrap - United States (Colorado)

Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML

#17307885
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31151) - you deserved it (3256)

On 07/30/2011 at 10:07am - misc - by ewww - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML

#17283152
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28108) - you deserved it (14937)

On 07/28/2011 at 1:39am - kids - by anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was given a DUI while in the Whataburger drive thru. FML

#17139539
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9780) - you deserved it (38350)

On 07/16/2011 at 7:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my 15 year old girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant. Her dad is ex-military, and makes a point of cleaning his guns every time I go to her house. FML

#17010843
704 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16212) - you deserved it (86890)

On 07/07/2011 at 3:43am - kids - by shit - United States

Today, I had to tell my best friend that I couldn't make it to the lake today or tomorrow because I'd been called in to work. She won't believe me and thinks I'm simply avoiding her. I got called in to bathe and clean dogs' anal glands. FML

#16937181
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22699) - you deserved it (2581)

On 07/01/2011 at 3:23pm - misc - by xXx3mi_MuffinxXx (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I stepped in a turd. Not a dog turd, my grandmother's turd. FML

#16900217
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39032) - you deserved it (3285)

On 06/28/2011 at 4:40pm - animals - by Username - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my dad thinks he's famous because he's been on 'Cops', twice. FML

#16814483
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36731) - you deserved it (520)

On 06/23/2011 at 10:19am - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, I was holding my drunken friend's hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party. She said, crying, "Y'don't have to do this..." I told her that that's what friends are for. She replied, "Yeah, but I did sleep with your boyfriend..." FML

#16722873
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47353) - you deserved it (3174) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 06/18/2011 at 1:13am - misc - by Inconnu - France

Today, at work, a customer went to try on a pair of pants. A few minutes later, she hurriedly returned and put the pants back on the shelf without saying anything. I later found out she'd come down with a bout of diarrhea and apparently didn't want to pay for the dry-cleaning. Glamorous. FML

#15891295
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31220) - you deserved it (3057) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/22/2011 at 10:17pm - work - by n77 - Switzerland (Vaud)

Today, I took my first Viagra. It worked great, but "Wally, the one-eyed wonder-weasel" would not return to "hiding". After 4 hours, I was in mortal aching pain, and went to my doctor for a shot and sedative. My wife, the doctor, and the nurse could not stifle their laughter. FML

#5938772
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14338) - you deserved it (5407)

On 10/22/2009 at 12:07am - intimacy - by ItsFunnyNow (man) - United States (Texas)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: