About trismagestus : I'm a web desinger from Wellington, NZ.
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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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trismagestus's favorite FMLs
by The_Taxman / 08/20/2011 at 6:20pm / United States (Indiana) / Love
Today, my 4 year old asked to go outside and play in the sprinkler. I told him not right now because I was busy and he's too little to play outside by himself. I came out of the laundry room later to find he'd brought the sprinkler in the house and turned the water on. At least he listened. FML
by Anonymous / 08/20/2011 at 10:08am / United States / Kids
Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML
by Anonymous / 08/20/2011 at 3:42am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, my grandmother sat me down and gave me a talk about the importance of personal hygiene. According to her, it's important that I shower twice a day, because "Fat people tend to have a most curious smell about them." FML
by Username / 08/19/2011 at 8:22pm / United States / Health
Today, I was helping some friends put supplies in my crush's car for our picnic. His girlfriend cracked a joke about me, so I just sarcastically laughed and slammed the door shut. Now she has three broken fingers, and I have a reputation as a psychopath. FML
by friendly_neighbourhood_psycho / 08/19/2011 at 6:47pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Transportation
Today, I was sitting in my cubicle at work, nursing a hangover, and thinking how stupid I was for getting so shit-faced last night. I then realized that I was voicing my thoughts out loud, and the whole office had gone quiet, listening to me castigate myself. FML
by Anonymous / 08/18/2011 at 3:42am / United States / Work
Today, while driving into work, a guy cut me off and I yelled some nasty things out of my window at him. He heard me, followed me to work, took a baseball bat out and then chased me into the office. He also smashed my windshield on his way out. FML
by erineilis / 08/16/2011 at 10:22am / United States (New York) / Transportation
by Anon / 08/16/2011 at 2:27am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by Gross... / 08/16/2011 at 2:22am / United States (Arizona) / Kids
by creepedoutlady / 08/15/2011 at 8:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my 3 year old son's tricycle was stolen. I looked up the street and saw a neighbour's kid riding it. I marched up, gently lifted him off it, gave him a stern lecture about stealing and brought the tricycle back home. The cops then showed up. Apparently, the kid has an identical tricycle. FML
by ollie179 / 08/15/2011 at 3:14pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Kids
by Username / 08/14/2011 at 1:44pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by NotSoAnon / 08/13/2011 at 11:31am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident. One of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "asshole" afterwards. FML
by Kathryn / 08/13/2011 at 6:31am / Belgium / Kids
Today, I was camping with my family, and had to share a tent with my 13 year old brother. During the night he had to pee, but instead of going outside to use the bathroom, he zipped open a section of the tent, stuck his knob through it, and peed all over my shoes that were drying outside. FML
by jakethed0g / 08/10/2011 at 5:37pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Holidays
- Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to… Today, at Toronto airport, the customs officer checked my passport, then called his colleagues to…