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trilocorn

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trilocorn

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  • Number of visits : 33
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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trilocorn's favorite FMLs

Today, while working at the pet store, I had to feed the snakes. I'd thawed too many mice, so instead of wasting one, I fed it to our turtles. They decided to play tug of war with it, ripping it in half in front of several terrified children. FML

#20037487
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9287) - you deserved it (25085)

On 08/23/2012 at 12:50pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I surprisingly found two empty seats on the subway. Before anyone could get to them, I rushed and triumphantly sat down, enjoying my victory, until I noticed why they were empty. I had just sat down next to a guy vigorously trying to fellate himself. FML

#20007431
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21624) - you deserved it (5735)

On 08/07/2012 at 9:19am - intimacy - by Nightmares - United States

Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML

#20007279
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21653) - you deserved it (2248)

On 08/07/2012 at 5:19am - health - by TheCerealKiller - United States (California)

Today, I went to visit a friend I hadn't seen in ages who lives alone out in the country. I arrived and found the front door unlocked but no one was home. I went in anyway and helped myself to some food. Then a family I had never seen before came in, and I realized it wasn't my friend's house. FML

#20007202
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9397) - you deserved it (29491)

On 08/07/2012 at 3:48am - misc - by Embarrassed - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML

#20006521
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28295) - you deserved it (1786)

On 08/06/2012 at 9:40pm - misc - by Joe Lizen - United States (Illinois)

Today, I discovered that the only reason my husband is taking yoga classes with me is because he wants to be flexible enough to suck his own rod. FML

#19996058
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33773) - you deserved it (5903)

On 08/01/2012 at 5:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

#19993573
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14204) - you deserved it (37535)

On 07/30/2012 at 11:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was doing the reverse cowgirl with my boyfriend. I was on the way to a glorious finish when he pointed out that I had a pimple on my butt. He began to laugh so hard that he went soft. FML

#18271513
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37760) - you deserved it (5492)

On 11/17/2011 at 9:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I came home from a year long backpacking trip in Europe. During my absence my parents divorced, dad took the house and most of the money, sister is seven months pregnant, brother was arrested for statutory rape, and my mom pawned all my stuff to buy booze to "cope." Oh, and my fish died. FML

#6989911
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83821) - you deserved it (4751)

On 12/28/2009 at 7:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend and I took a late night drive, and after a while he stopped at a gas station and asked if I wanted anything I replied "guess". He came out and gave me a box of tampons. Apparently I've been bitchy. FML

#3112345
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15500) - you deserved it (64680)

On 06/22/2009 at 3:47am - misc - by tamp (woman) - United States (Montana)



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