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treemonkey

Offline (the 04/19/2015 at 9:42pm) | Search for a member

treemonkey

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 246
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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treemonkey's page activity

Visits<b>LilyLi</b> - the 05/17/2015 at 4:47pm

treemonkey's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of treemonkey's badges

treemonkey's favorite FMLs

Today, I read my 10-year-old sister's diary. That's how I found out about her disturbingly detailed plan to murder me, make it look like suicide, date my boyfriend after helping him get over my death, then marry him. FML

#21395572
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38146) - you deserved it (4929)

On 04/18/2015 at 3:01am - kids - by Anonymus (woman) - Sweden

Today, I got a haircut. The guy quickly cut off most of the hair above my forehead. When I angrily asked him what he was doing, he said, "Quitting." FML

#21369589
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35391) - you deserved it (2284)

On 03/06/2015 at 10:22pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I thought I had carbon monoxide poisoning because I had the symptoms and my detector was going off. I called the fire dept, they checked me, they checked my apartment. My apartment is fine; I'm just out of shape, have high blood pressure, and don't know how to work simple electronics. FML

#21367736
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29146) - you deserved it (9795)

On 03/04/2015 at 12:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, after several sleepless nights full of crying, I went to my university's free help center. After telling the psychologist my problems and asking what to do, he looked at me blankly and said, "Uh, it's not depression, I guess. You should go out more and, like, party some more." FML

#21367402
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29982) - you deserved it (2740)

On 03/03/2015 at 5:02pm - health - by Anonymous - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)

Today, a friend sent me a song. I didn't have time to listen to it all, so I listened to the first 30 seconds of it to get a feel for it. It was nice and uplifting, so I sent it to my mom. Turns out, after the first 30 seconds, the singer brightens his day by singing about his enormous penis. FML

#21366785
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24375) - you deserved it (11858)

On 03/02/2015 at 7:48pm - misc - by Microtron - United States (Ohio)

Today, while laughing at a jogger that fell down while running, I choked on my French fries. They had to give me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

#21366627
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13951) - you deserved it (48790)

On 03/02/2015 at 3:40pm - health - by teapotrevolt - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I went through the nightmare of having to go to my doctor so he could remove a living spider from my nasal cavity. FML

#21365080
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36290) - you deserved it (2419)

On 02/28/2015 at 4:04am - health - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

#21362166
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37673) - you deserved it (3262)

On 02/23/2015 at 10:46pm - intimacy - by sammy18f (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I came home from work to find that my girlfriend had sold all of my N64 and Atari games and both the consoles and bought me a PS4 with the money. While I was standing there in shock, she kissed me on the cheek and said, "I know, I'm the greatest." FML

#21361122
462 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44410) - you deserved it (4024)

On 02/22/2015 at 3:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was chased out of my own house by my wife's lover's dog. FML

#21352647
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35627) - you deserved it (2791)

On 02/09/2015 at 9:53am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

#21351917
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30971) - you deserved it (3072)

On 02/08/2015 at 3:35am - animals - by OnlyAvailableID - Australia

Today, I was awoken by the sound of my pet lizard eating my other pet lizard. FML

Today, hours after being turned down for sex, I woke up to my boyfriend sitting at the computer, jacking off to a picture of my deceased mom. FML

#21351381
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49518) - you deserved it (4195)

On 02/07/2015 at 6:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML

#21350665
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30000) - you deserved it (5131)

On 02/05/2015 at 11:14pm - misc - by Milked Richard (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I discovered my elderly neighbour likes to roam around his yard naked and wash his balls with the sprinkler. I'm never going to grab a snack in my kitchen again. FML

#21349488
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30030) - you deserved it (2436)

On 02/04/2015 at 2:44am - misc - by Sprinkles (man) - Australia



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