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treemonkey

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treemonkey

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  • Number of visits : 45
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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treemonkey's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML

#21287735
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15746) - you deserved it (1391)

On 10/29/2014 at 3:39pm - kids - by lexigan4 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I reprimanded three students for sleeping, five for not having books, and kicked three out for texting in class. One student yelled at me for a bad grade, and another stormed out for a failing exam score. I teach at a four-year university. FML

Today, I got up at 4.30am, like I do every morning, and got ready for work. Just as I was about to walk out the door, my flatmate jumped me and beat the snot out of me thinking I was a burglar. Because apparently burglars shower, make toast and clean up before stealing all your shit. FML

#21259933
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39730) - you deserved it (2527)

On 09/17/2014 at 8:18am - misc - by makeyourselfathome (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, in college, we were asked at what age girls tend to become physically attractive. Wrongly thinking the answer was in relation to puberty, I said "Umm... 11 or 12?" Now everyone thinks I'm some kind of pedophile. FML

#21259479
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37229) - you deserved it (8340)

On 09/16/2014 at 2:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I sat in on a university-level physics lecture, listening to my hyped-up co-students approximating the hypothetical situation of the Sun consisting of gerbils. The conversation then continued towards how much better energy/mass ratio the gerbil-sun would have compared to the actual star. FML

#21258867
80 comments

Today, it was report card day at swimming lessons. Because it was the last day, a little girl brought me flowers. She was the only kid in that class who didn't pass. FML

#21251459
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39807) - you deserved it (3400)

On 09/03/2014 at 9:31pm - work - by anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, my new boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't understand him. He pushed me away and ignored me the rest of the night. Apparently it's a huge turn-off that I can't talk dirty in Klingon. FML

#21246884
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42907) - you deserved it (4937)

On 08/28/2014 at 12:34am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML

#21241090
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42078) - you deserved it (5970)

On 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm - health - by humdrummitydrum (woman) - United States

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

#21240900
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24861) - you deserved it (45412)

On 08/19/2014 at 9:37am - misc - by drunk under 18 teenager (man) - Morocco (Marrakech-Tensift-Al Haouz)

Today, my two-year-old daughter's favourite word is 'No'. After leaving her with my sixteen-year-old brother, she now knows other N words as well. Niet, Nein, Non and Never. Her teenage uncle thinks it's hilarious. FML

#21240415
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35256) - you deserved it (5636)

On 08/18/2014 at 9:26am - kids - by 919191 (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I succeeded in getting a seat on a crowded bus. I regretted this when, after a couple of stops, a big guy boarded the bus and stood next to me with his penis pressed against my shoulder. Longest. Bus ride. Ever. FML

#21236507
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37487) - you deserved it (3416)

On 08/13/2014 at 7:33am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40533) - you deserved it (25545)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML

#21234388
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35054) - you deserved it (3320)

On 08/10/2014 at 10:22pm - work - by weirded out (man) - United States (California)

Today, due to a hammer-related incident, instead of receiving glass ornaments as gifts from my trip to Venice, my friends will be receiving novelty postcards of Michelangelo's David's penis. FML

Today, I went to a market. I saw stall which had mainly animal furs and things like that. I found a rounded, furry pen and stroked my cheek with it. Wondering what it was, being so soft and oddly shaped, I checked the tag. It was kangaroo testicles. FML

#21211381
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36202) - you deserved it (17571)

On 07/16/2014 at 11:31pm - misc - by happypineapple - Australia (Queensland)



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