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travisphy

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travisphy

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travisphy's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned that my apartment's walls are thin enough for my neighbors to hear my vibrator. I've lived in this apartment for three years. I've been single and horny for all of them. FML

#12872328
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26721) - you deserved it (12989)

On 09/02/2010 at 5:09pm - intimacy - by Buzzie (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I'm recovering from abdominal surgery. In addition to pain, I'm having trouble peeing and haven't pooped since Sunday, so my surgeon prescribed a laxative. Turns out I'm allergic to it. Now I'm covered in hives, even in my ears, incisions, and lady parts. I also still haven't pooped. FML

#12866112
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35233) - you deserved it (2373)

On 09/02/2010 at 3:25am - health - by coyote - Japan

Today, I found out that whenever my best friend used to say she wanted to do my dad, she wasn't kidding. She accomplished her mission in my bed after school. FML

#12851592
335 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52064) - you deserved it (4069)

On 09/01/2010 at 7:10am - intimacy - by fmlskank93 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I walked in on my mom's boyfriend jacking off. The worst part was that he didn't stop. FML

#12849732
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36821) - you deserved it (3844)

On 09/01/2010 at 2:16am - intimacy - by Jill Shanks - United States

Today, after my husband's phone buzzed like crazy all morning, I decided to pick it up and see what all the fuss was about. He had three new picture messages from his "boss", naked and strapped to a chair with the caption, "Are you still coming over tonight?" We've been married for nine years and have two children. FML

#12838933
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58111) - you deserved it (4082)

On 08/31/2010 at 2:07pm - intimacy - by ashlee (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I took pictures of myself and my girlfriend doing naughty things together on my camera. My mom later asked me if she could borrow the camera for the weekend. Without thinking, I gave her the camera. FML

#12836221
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10927) - you deserved it (48044)

On 08/31/2010 at 9:13am - intimacy - by weezel (man) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to listen to this voicemail. I listened to me and my girlfriend talking dirty followed by the bed springs bouncing for 3 minutes. I had my phone in the pocket while I was having sex with her and it left my mom a nice voicemail. FML

#12337328
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23259) - you deserved it (37327)

On 08/05/2010 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by JDLAX1924 - United States

Today, my dad found my "list". 32 guys, 4 girls. Colour coded as to who I would sleep with again and who I wouldn't, who were virgins, etc. He complimented me on my "organizational skills." FML

#11944390
336 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14582) - you deserved it (54590)

On 07/17/2010 at 3:34pm - intimacy - by reckless (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML

#11859279
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24313) - you deserved it (39912)

On 07/13/2010 at 8:33pm - intimacy - by allalone - United States (Georgia)

Today, my friend bet everyone at my lunch table that no one could catch the fly that was flying around our table. I reached up and caught it. It was a wasp, and it stung me. FML

#10752650
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13217) - you deserved it (31362)

On 05/25/2010 at 8:32am - health - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I woke up in pajamas I have never seen before. Usually, I sleep naked, and I live alone in a locked apartment. Then, the elderly woman next door asked for her nightgown back. Apparently, I sleep-walked and knocked on all the doors in my hallway repeatedly. I'm moving. FML

#9037500
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25669) - you deserved it (3615)

On 03/13/2010 at 12:27am - misc - by nerdygirl101 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML

#8751188
401 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43092) - you deserved it (9566)

On 03/01/2010 at 5:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early. Trying to run out the back door I fell and broke my ankle. Not only did her former Navy Seal father find out I was banging his little princess, he drove me to the ER, alone. FML

#7598826
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11621) - you deserved it (24887)

On 01/26/2010 at 9:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I fell asleep after finishing my exam. I had a dream I was falling and woke up smashing my face on the desk. Everyone laughed. FML

#7459742
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21412) - you deserved it (7644)

On 01/20/2010 at 6:19pm - health - by M_Kclift1994 (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my friend decided to pants me in the middle of the mall. I wasn't wearing underwear. FML

#7400225
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16857) - you deserved it (28352)

On 01/17/2010 at 2:59pm - misc - by Jac (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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