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toorudett's favorite FMLs
Today, I took my 12 year-old to the orthodontist. While I was talking to the dentist about what was needing to be done, my daughter listened. With a straight face, the dentist joked, "Yeah, we're going to need to rip off her entire jaw." My daughter won't leave her room anymore. FML
by Anonymous / 03/27/2014 at 8:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML
by oops / 03/27/2014 at 7:10pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was sitting in the coffee shop where my boyfriend and I used to go before he broke up with me about a week ago. I was missing him and wishing he was there, when all of a sudden this 14-year-old kid comes up to me and says, "He's not coming, you may as well go home." FML
by Anonymous / 03/27/2014 at 7:03pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Love
by mookiemookie01 / 03/27/2014 at 6:34pm / Miscellaneous
by shabowbow / 03/27/2014 at 2:14pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by bonbon789 / 03/27/2014 at 2:10pm / United States / Health
Today, I still have my ridiculous fear of being heard on the toilet, and I can't go if people are around. I'd just sat down on the toilet when three of my housemates started chatting immediately outside the door. I had to sit silently until they were gone. For half an hour. FML
by Dragoness11 / 03/27/2014 at 10:12am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that, after having moved over 500 miles to begin a post-graduate degree, I'm being kicked out of the house I'm renting. We haven't yet signed agreements. Apparently I "keep the kitchen too clean". FML
by homeless / 03/26/2014 at 7:45pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Work
by alicia75 / 03/26/2014 at 7:45pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals
Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML
by In urgent need of a new roommate / 03/26/2014 at 7:44pm / United States (Oregon) / Animals
by athletiks / 03/26/2014 at 6:39pm / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, I faced my social anxiety and went to a chip shop on my own. I tried to have a conversation with the owner, but his thick accent made it difficult. He now knows where I live, what college I go to and I'm pretty sure I agreed to go to India with him. FML
by sociallyawkward / 03/26/2014 at 2:06pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Miscellaneous
by husbands addiction / 03/26/2014 at 2:00pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, no matter how many toys and teddies she has, and no matter how much I punish her, I am most likely never going to be able to break my 10-week-old puppy's habit of stealing my underwear. She doesn't eat them or even chew on them. She steals them to sleep with. FML
by Punphmelch / 03/26/2014 at 4:45am / Australia (South Australia) / Animals
Today, I tried to get out of my boyfriend's car in an angered exit because he got a text from the woman he's been cheating on me with. I ended up tripping on my purse, falling out of the car and face-planting onto the sidewalk. FML
by Bishy123 / 03/26/2014 at 3:50am / United States (Washington) / Love
- Today, I got pizza on the way home from a night out after a few beers and not eating all day. I got… Today, I quit my job at a retail store to become a 911 operator. One call in "Thank you for calling… Today, the guy I've been with for 4 years chose hard drugs over me and our daughter. Happy birthday…