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toorudett's favorite FMLs
Today, while out grocery shopping with my mother, she asked me to hold a large bag of rice for her. Ten minutes later, I realized I'd been absent-mindedly stroking it the whole time, just like when I pick up my cat. FML
by Sheh / 07/16/2014 at 11:02am / Sweden / Animals
by smpenn89 / 07/16/2014 at 10:26am / United States (Ohio) / Work
Today, I returned to my teaching job at a local community college after surfing for the weekend. I'd got sunburned, one student immediately noticed and said to me, "Morning, Mr. Pinky!" Now they all do it. My students are assholes. I hate teaching. FML
by mister_pinky / 07/15/2014 at 6:04pm / United States (Oregon) / Work
by stinky breath / 07/15/2014 at 5:24pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, I went out to lunch with my girlfriend. I asked if she was going to finish her meal, hoping to steal a bite or two. She somehow took this as me calling her fat, threw her drink at me, and stormed off. I just wanted some steak. FML
by Jeff / 07/15/2014 at 4:37pm / United States / Love
by smh / 07/15/2014 at 4:11pm / United States / Health
by chloecamp / 07/14/2014 at 11:35pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by thedoc / 07/14/2014 at 11:25pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I went into my former workplace. While there, an ex-coworker told me that after I quit, they split my position into two separate jobs. When I worked there, my boss had told me to suck it up whenever I said there was too much work for just one person. FML
by Anonymous / 07/14/2014 at 7:52pm / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, while eating dinner with my boyfriend, I look up to see him staring at me, smiling. Hoping he wanted to say how lucky of a man he was who loved me deeply, I asked him what he was thinking. He replied, "You can't smell that yet? It was a noxious one." FML
by KaiyaOtaku1 / 07/14/2014 at 7:48pm / United States (Washington) / Love
by AFH2O / 07/14/2014 at 7:04pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I left the house I'm staying at, not knowing that thunderstorms were forecast. I came back from work to find dog shit splattered all over the kitchen. Apparently the dogs I'm watching don't like thunder. FML
by Hiimhaileypotter / 07/14/2014 at 6:48pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals
by cyzn / 07/14/2014 at 1:59pm / Canada (Quebec) / Health
Today, me and my boyfriend decided to have some fun in my room before my parents got home. My phone started vibrating half-way through, and when I saw my mom's picture, I reflexively answered. It wasn't a phone call. It was a face time. Busted. FML
by Ob3nie / 07/14/2014 at 1:45pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/14/2014 at 1:45pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
- Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where… Today, I realized that due to my anti-depressants, I can no longer orgasm. At. All. Which depresses… Today, yet again, I was getting intimate with my shower head. Some complete genius decided to flush…