tommiegirlxxx

Search for a member

tommiegirlxxx

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3968
  • Number of comments : 21
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

This member hasn't filled in their description.

tommiegirlxxx's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:30pm<b></b> - the 03/10/2011 at 1:21am<b>ag95</b> - the 05/17/2009 at 6:12pm

tommiegirlxxx's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

tommiegirlxxx's favorite FMLs

Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said "Have fun!" FML

by Rob / 10/15/2009 at 9:59pm / Health

Today, after not having sex for nearly a year and a half, an opportunity arose. I couldn't get it up. FML

by 2yearsofHotSexThenThis / 08/25/2009 at 4:47am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Intimacy

Today, I decided to make a place in my house for my friends to sign called “The Friend Wall." By sign I meant sign, not draw body parts. This afternoon I ate lunch next to a basketball-sized vagina and a monumentally large blue and purple penis. FML

by rbates / 07/25/2009 at 2:32pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got very dressed up and was excited for my uncle's wedding. While standing in line for photos, I heard my dad's voice from behind me say "Who's the hot chick in the brown dress?" My uncle responds "Uh, that's your daughter." Silence. FML

by Rory / 07/23/2009 at 12:26am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was riding in the car with my boyfriend. While he was driving, I held out my hand as an offer for him to hold it. Instead, he grabs me by the wrist and shoves my hand down his pants. Lovely. FML

by DanceOnTheEdge / 07/19/2009 at 9:23pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was on my girlfriend's computer. When searching on google, her browsing history popped up. The first thing was "Best positions for a small penis." FML

by wtf / 07/12/2009 at 12:20pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up from a nap to hear my roommate having some intimate time with his hand. The slopping and slurping sounds along with the girly man squeal as he finished haunted me all day. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2009 at 5:59pm / Iraq (Arbil) / Intimacy

Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML

by hatboxghost / 07/09/2009 at 1:17am / United States / Love

Today, I was looking at my friend's dad's Facebook pictures because he recently posted a status update. I saw him at a bar with some ugly hooker that he was feeling up in almost every picture. After about 10 minutes of ridiculing and laughing at this ugly woman, I realize it's my mom in a wig. FML

by disturbed2103 / 07/08/2009 at 8:07pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

by DutchOven / 07/04/2009 at 5:07pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, my mom found a book of dirty stories I'd written in grade 10. She then told me that I wrote about things she'd never even thought about, and she's been having sex for years. If that wasn't bad enough, she's taken them in to work to show people. FML

by JSeth / 07/04/2009 at 12:52pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I checked my voicemail. I was really surprised to hear an adorable message from my boyfriend, who was vacationing in Florida. I was even more surprised to hear him having sex with some other girl for the last seven minutes of the message. FML

by hangup / 07/04/2009 at 11:51am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML

by R_U_CEREAL / 07/04/2009 at 4:58am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, my mother texted me while I was at work asking me to pick up a door-stopper on my way home. When I asked her why she explained that she and my dad were trying to make love but the dog kept pushing the door open. What an image. FML

by Grossedouttt / 07/04/2009 at 12:18am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML

by wildthing / 07/01/2009 at 3:33pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy