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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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tommiegirlxxx

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tommiegirlxxx
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2366
  • Number of comments : 21
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said "Have fun!" FML

#5846674 (97)

I agree, your life sucks (19719) - you deserved it (2055)

On 10/15/2009 at 9:59pm - health - by Rob - Sent from mobile version

Today, after not having sex for nearly a year and a half, an opportunity arose. I couldn't get it up. FML

#4805329 (166)

I agree, your life sucks (47621) - you deserved it (7775)

On 08/25/2009 at 4:47am - intimacy - by 2yearsofHotSexThenThis (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I decided to make a place in my house for my friends to sign called “The Friend Wall." By sign I meant sign, not draw body parts. This afternoon I ate lunch next to a basketball-sized vagina and a monumentally large blue and purple penis. FML

#4031081 (150)

I agree, your life sucks (8371) - you deserved it (41192)

On 07/25/2009 at 2:32pm - misc - by rbates - United States (Florida)

Today, I got very dressed up and was excited for my uncle's wedding. While standing in line for photos, I heard my dad's voice from behind me say "Who's the hot chick in the brown dress?" My uncle responds "Uh, that's your daughter." Silence. FML

#3967657 (188)

I agree, your life sucks (56280) - you deserved it (2824)

On 07/23/2009 at 12:26am - misc - by Rory (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was riding in the car with my boyfriend. While he was driving, I held out my hand as an offer for him to hold it. Instead, he grabs me by the wrist and shoves my hand down his pants. Lovely. FML

#3890479 (249)

I agree, your life sucks (35042) - you deserved it (13495)

On 07/19/2009 at 9:23pm - love - by DanceOnTheEdge (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was on my girlfriend's computer. When searching on google, her browsing history popped up. The first thing was"Best positions for a small penis." FML

#3691268 (260)

I agree, your life sucks (71516) - you deserved it (9117)

On 07/12/2009 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by wtf (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up from a nap to hear my roommate having some intimate time with his hand. The slopping and slurping sounds along with the girly man squeal as he finished haunted me all day. FML

#3646272 (157)

I agree, your life sucks (50586) - you deserved it (2799)

On 07/10/2009 at 5:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Iraq (Arbil)

Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML

#3600725 (300)

I agree, your life sucks (49231) - you deserved it (5208)

On 07/09/2009 at 1:17am - love - by hatboxghost (man) - United States

Today, I was looking at my friend's dad's Facebook pictures because he recently posted a status update. I saw him at a bar with some ugly hooker that he was feeling up in almost every picture. After about 10 minutes of ridiculing and laughing at this ugly woman, I realize it's my mom in a wig. FML

#3591095 (88)

I agree, your life sucks (40882) - you deserved it (5520)

On 07/08/2009 at 8:07pm - love - by disturbed2103 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was in charge of throwing a party for my mom. I told my little brother he was suppose to blow up the balloons which were in my dresser. Apparently, he accidentally found all my condoms, unknowingly, and decorated the house in prophylactics instead of balloons. Happy Birthday, Mom. FML

#3556945 (108)

I agree, your life sucks (36206) - you deserved it (18453)

On 07/07/2009 at 3:43pm - intimacy - by Ryan (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

#3484293 (190)

I agree, your life sucks (41967) - you deserved it (16634)

On 07/04/2009 at 5:07pm - love - by DutchOven (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my mom found a book of dirty stories I'd written in grade 10. She then told me that I wrote about things she'd never even thought about, and she's been having sex for years. If that wasn't bad enough, she's taken them in to work to show people. FML

#3479311 (106)

I agree, your life sucks (38028) - you deserved it (6881)

On 07/04/2009 at 12:52pm - intimacy - by JSeth (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I checked my voicemail. I was really surprised to hear an adorable message from my boyfriend, who was vacationing in Florida. I was even more surprised to hear him having sex with some other girl for the last seven minutes of the message. FML

#3478288 (129)

I agree, your life sucks (47805) - you deserved it (1803)

On 07/04/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by hangup (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML

#3474895 (185)

I agree, your life sucks (52940) - you deserved it (9006)

On 07/04/2009 at 4:58am - intimacy - by R_U_CEREAL (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my mother texted me randomly while I was at work asking me to pick up a door-stopper on my way home. When I asked her why she explained that she and my dad were trying to make love but the dog kept pushing the door open. What an image. FML

#3469225 (77)

I agree, your life sucks (30920) - you deserved it (2127)

On 07/04/2009 at 12:18am - animals - by Grossedouttt - United States (Pennsylvania)