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0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 30 April 1981 (35 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1611
  • Number of comments : 148
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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toink's page activity

Visits<b>Sunflora219</b> - the 04/26/2016 at 6:29pm<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 04/19/2016 at 11:35am<b>whatahatuis</b> - the 03/25/2016 at 6:42pm<b>nfern046</b> - the 03/25/2016 at 4:53pm<b>aliceaudrey1997</b> - the 02/09/2016 at 5:54am<b>pandainspandex</b> - the 12/12/2015 at 5:01pm<b>GrimaSlayer</b> - the 11/29/2015 at 10:15am<b>nyf137</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 11:33am<b>DoomSkuller</b> - the 10/13/2015 at 6:50pm<b>Immortal_Toaster</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 4:02pm<b>saysayrahrah</b> - the 09/19/2015 at 11:25pm<b>firefox9778</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 4:21pm<b>KitchenPig</b> - the 07/10/2015 at 1:19am<b>LoganStar4</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 1:26pm<b>Angsty_Armadillo</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 1:35am<b>max367</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 1:03pm<b>FusionPlacebo</b> - the 06/28/2015 at 8:41am<b>vicky_lynnnnn</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 2:46am

toink's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

toink's favorite FMLs

Today, I took my girlfriend of three years on a romantic picnic to the park, so I could propose to her. The moment was just right, I made my move. I knelt down on one knee and asked her. Her response was "you're kneeling in dog poop." I looked down. She was right. FML

by CombatShadow45 / 11/25/2009 at 5:39pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my family sat me down and told me I was spending way too much time with my boyfriend and not enough time with them. My boyfriend has been away in Iraq for six months and just came home a week ago. FML

by gj09 / 11/22/2009 at 3:03pm / United States / Love

Today, as I woke up early to do my physics homework, I heard my parents talk about how big a disappointment I am for them. They discussed how stupid, immature and how big a burden I was. They knew I was listening. FML

by Cerezo / 11/22/2009 at 10:39am / Guatemala (Guatemala) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that our water tank has had a dead crow rotting in it for days. I took showers and brushed my teeth with dead crow soup. FML

by aqua88 / 11/05/2009 at 10:26am / Malaysia (Selangor) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having a nice moment with my granddaughter as she was being affectionate by stroking my face. We were both quite content, until she said, "Aw, Grandma, your skin feels just like a crocodile." FML

by Granny / 10/24/2009 at 5:14pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Kids

Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm / United Kingdom / Transportation

Today, I had a surprise birthday party for my mom who turned 57. About an hour into the party, I look over at my mom and she was grinding all over my best friend while holding a bottle of tequila in her hand, and a pair of leopard skin panties hanging out of her pants. FML

by KmartFart / 10/04/2009 at 12:25pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on a date with a guy having a great time. I went up to go to the ladies' room, but as I walked back to the table, I heard some giggles. I looked and found out why. My skirt was tucked into my underwear. I was wearing my lucky Star Wars-themed panties. FML

by diva467 / 10/03/2009 at 2:41pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was walking my dogs. I had a doggy bag, and was holding it closed, then breathing in it, so it would blow up. My dogs 'went', so I picked it up and kept walking. As I was heading home, I absent-mindedly started blowing into the bag again. Everything ended up in my mouth and on my face. FML

by doggybag / 09/24/2009 at 1:17am / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me because I didn't fight some guy that started hitting her right in front of me... In a dream. She was totally serious. FML

by dreamdude / 09/20/2009 at 9:21am / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with a blood infection, swollen nuts, and an hole in my butt where I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML

by keeperstride / 09/03/2009 at 3:55pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend getting it on with the neighbour's daughter. As soon as he saw me, he started singing 'It Wasn't Me' by Shaggy, completely naked, still sitting with the girl. FML

by shaggy / 08/30/2009 at 5:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

by DutchOven / 07/04/2009 at 5:07pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I saw an attractive man outside the club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up having sex in my apartment. The next day when I was dropping him off, I discovered he was homeless and was outside the club begging for money. My house is suddenly out of bread and cheese. FML

by Melaknee / 03/18/2009 at 8:10pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I got her she replied "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML

by Ethan / 03/09/2009 at 9:35am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy