Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

toink

Search for a member

toink

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 30 April 1981 (33 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1368
  • Number of comments : 148
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

toink's page activity

Visits<b>abv96</b> - 2 hours ago<b>Zoldyck</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 1:35am<b>jcroisdale</b> - the 10/03/2014 at 3:46pm<b>rockcaar3</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 4:47am<b>SticksandSkins</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 4:46am<b>SecretSociety7</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 8:30pm<b>grogers311</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 4:37am<b>Moderator0fFML</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 3:41pm<b>ksadhera</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 6:58pm<b>vanessa_tranz</b> - the 08/25/2014 at 12:41am<b>WoldowJR</b> - the 08/05/2014 at 8:54am<b>mrseppski18</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 12:50am<b>SmokinGuns</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 12:13pm<b>jazmin3012</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 2:07pm<b>Grabes4987</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 2:54pm<b>Jason324</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 5:24am<b>trinalporpus</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 12:13am<b>zachjonso</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 10:40am

toink's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

toink's favorite FMLs

Today, I took my girlfriend of three years on a romantic picnic to the park, so I could propose to her. The moment was just right, I made my move. I knelt down on one knee and asked her. Her response was "you're kneeling in dog poop." I looked down. She was right. FML

#6449433
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38091) - you deserved it (4768)

On 11/25/2009 at 5:39pm - love - by CombatShadow45 - United States (Florida)

Today, my family sat me down and told me I was spending way too much time with my boyfriend and not enough time with them. My boyfriend has been away in Iraq for six months and just came home a week ago. FML

#6406317
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40115) - you deserved it (2154)

On 11/22/2009 at 3:03pm - love - by gj09 - United States

Today, as I woke up early to do my physics homework, I heard my parents talk about how big a disappointment I am for them. They discussed how stupid, immature and how big a burden I was. They knew I was listening. FML

#6403187
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33980) - you deserved it (4060)

On 11/22/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by Cerezo (man) - Guatemala (Guatemala)

Today, I found out that our water tank has had a dead crow rotting in it for days. I took showers and brushed my teeth with dead crow soup. FML

#6165899
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35052) - you deserved it (2775)

On 11/05/2009 at 10:26am - misc - by aqua88 (woman) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, I was having a nice moment with my granddaughter as she was being affectionate by stroking my face. We were both quite content, until she said, "Aw, Grandma, your skin feels just like a crocodile." FML

#5977481
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29297) - you deserved it (2960)

On 10/24/2009 at 5:14pm - kids - by Granny (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML

#5724132
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41957) - you deserved it (3025)

On 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I had a surprise birthday party for my mom who turned 57. About an hour into the party, I look over at my mom and she was grinding all over my best friend while holding a bottle of tequila in her hand, and a pair of leopard skin panties hanging out of her pants. FML

#5640699
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36156) - you deserved it (3569)

On 10/04/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by KmartFart - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was on a date with a guy having a great time. I went up to go to the ladies' room, but as I walked back to the table, I heard some giggles. I looked and found out why. My skirt was tucked into my underwear. I was wearing my lucky Star Wars-themed panties. FML

#5622961
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32084) - you deserved it (13731)

On 10/03/2009 at 2:41pm - love - by diva467 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking my dogs. I had a doggy bag, and was holding it closed, then breathing in it, so it would blow up. My dogs 'went', so I picked it up and kept walking. As I was heading home, I absent-mindedly started blowing into the bag again. Everything ended up in my mouth and on my face. FML

#5441991
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10471) - you deserved it (74079)

On 09/24/2009 at 1:17am - animals - by doggybag (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me because I didn't fight some guy that started hitting her right in front of me... In a dream. She was totally serious. FML

#5369029
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58662) - you deserved it (3564)

On 09/20/2009 at 9:21am - love - by dreamdude (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with a blood infection, swollen nuts, and an hole in my butt where I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML

#5021908
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14896) - you deserved it (64592)

On 09/03/2009 at 3:55pm - health - by keeperstride (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend getting it on with the neighbour's daughter. As soon as he saw me, he started singing 'It Wasn't Me' by Shaggy, completely naked, still sitting with the girl. FML

#4933603
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54169) - you deserved it (4338)

On 08/30/2009 at 5:26pm - love - by shaggy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

#3484293
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53028) - you deserved it (23628)

On 07/04/2009 at 5:07pm - love - by DutchOven (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I saw an attractive man outside the club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up having sex in my apartment. The next day when I was dropping him off, I discovered he was homeless and was outside the club begging for money. My house is suddenly out of bread and cheese. FML

#448904
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31355) - you deserved it (138244)

On 03/18/2009 at 8:10pm - intimacy - by Melaknee (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I got her she replied "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML

#250417
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24586) - you deserved it (87641)

On 03/09/2009 at 9:35am - intimacy - by Ethan (man) - Australia (Queensland)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: