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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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toastygoat

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toastygoat
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1177
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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toastygoat's favorite FMLs

Today, I lost my virginity, I think. Does it still count if she left halfway through, laughing? FML

#14449491 (155)

I agree, your life sucks (1220) - you deserved it (7099)

On 01/03/2011 at 6:40am - intimacy - by Username -

Today, on the train, I was bitten by a homeless man. FML

#14377824 (199)

I agree, your life sucks (30998) - you deserved it (2922)

On 12/29/2010 at 2:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I put my old kitchen table at the end of my driveway with a free sign on it. Later, I saw my neighbor drag it to his yard with a $50 for sale sign on it. It's now gone. FML

#14255221 (110)

I agree, your life sucks (8262) - you deserved it (21676)

On 12/19/2010 at 12:41am - misc - by synyster505 - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I woke up to a man stroking my leg while smelling my hair. I asked my roommate who he was and she said, "Oh, that's just my brother. He needs a place to stay and he will be living with us until June. Didn't I tell you that?" No, you didn't. FML

#13948319 (98)

I agree, your life sucks (23526) - you deserved it (1657)

On 11/23/2010 at 10:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had a small gathering of family and friends over to celebrate my son's baptism. One of my friends happens to be a police officer. The entire event consisted of him arresting three of my family members. Don't worry, he came back to get some cake. FML

#13756380 (125)

I agree, your life sucks (16380) - you deserved it (2556)

On 11/07/2010 at 8:09pm - misc - by jadehin (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was eating lunch at McDonald's when an older man sat down at the table next to me and told me I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. I'm a 20 year old man. FML

#13715432 (113)

I agree, your life sucks (21952) - you deserved it (3835)

On 11/04/2010 at 3:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML

#13692696 (81)

I agree, your life sucks (15519) - you deserved it (6309)

On 11/02/2010 at 8:57pm - misc - by StayPositive - United States (Maine)

Today, I was on Skype with a guy I really like, in the living room. My dad saw that I was on video chat, got undressed, right down to his bright green y-fronts, and then started dancing behind me. My crush saw it all. FML

#13536412 (188)

I agree, your life sucks (27317) - you deserved it (4879)

On 10/21/2010 at 11:20am - misc - by maddiee. (woman) - Indonesia (Jakarta Raya)

Today, I came home to find my drunken father sitting on our front lawn. He had a blanket, lit candle, and was singing with his eyes closed. He told me he believed he was Buddha from watching the history channel. Meanwhile, cars were driving by our house beeping, and yelling "praise the lord!" FML

#13120508 (124)

I agree, your life sucks (16763) - you deserved it (1651)

On 09/19/2010 at 10:13pm - misc - by embaressed (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets the same amount of entertainment out of tickling me and having sex with me, and he likes the tickling noises better. FML

#12782161 (92)

I agree, your life sucks (17956) - you deserved it (4941)

On 08/28/2010 at 1:49am - intimacy - by JessykaB - United States

Today, my four year old told my mother-in-law that our house is haunted because she hears a ghost at night saying "oh" and daddy's name as if they're hurt. FML

#12361153 (161)

I agree, your life sucks (20285) - you deserved it (12043)

On 08/06/2010 at 10:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, it appears that my upstairs neighbour has decided to learn how to play the trombone. FML

#8585714 (98)

I agree, your life sucks (16007) - you deserved it (1588)

On 02/23/2010 at 10:45am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my pet hedgehog thought it would be funny to roll around in the kitty litter. It was like washing a poopy cactus. FML

#7211272 (162)

I agree, your life sucks (18364) - you deserved it (2892)

On 01/08/2010 at 1:23am - misc - by StinkyCactus (man) - United States (Virginia)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I logged onto Facebook and saw that I had a message from my ex boyfriend. It's only been two weeks since we broke up and I assumed he sent me a message begging for me to take him back. He wanted to apologize for sleeping with my sister last night. FML

#7050852 (104)

I agree, your life sucks (25153) - you deserved it (3358)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:01am - love - by 12345678 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my entire extended family was over for Christmas. I opened a gift to see that it was a fruitcake and saw everyone looking at me, smiling. This is their way to tell me that they know I'm gay and that they accept me. I'm straight. FML

#6940089 (90)

I agree, your life sucks (24043) - you deserved it (2330)

On 12/25/2009 at 2:34pm - misc - by notgay (man) - United States (California)