Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

toastygoat

Search for a member

toastygoat

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1937
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

toastygoat's page activity

Visits<b>jilldrankin</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 9:58pm<b>Refrigereitor</b> - the 05/06/2014 at 12:13am<b>mariepastyglue</b> - the 09/09/2013 at 3:32am<b>volleyballer1197</b> - the 07/14/2013 at 8:50pm<b>Stypahorlikson</b> - the 06/23/2013 at 8:06pm<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 04/19/2013 at 12:11am<b>Lilsbills</b> - the 04/03/2013 at 1:00pm<b>lmc94</b> - the 08/19/2012 at 10:56pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:17pm<b>plantgodess</b> - the 04/05/2011 at 6:43pm<b>FYLDeep</b> - the 12/31/2010 at 2:59am<b>FFML_314</b> - the 12/29/2010 at 4:46am<b>multi_python</b> - the 12/25/2010 at 5:05pm<b>Aniblecoby</b> - the 11/28/2010 at 12:07am<b>Ur_REmEdy</b> - the 08/11/2010 at 8:04am<b>hellomynameisril</b> - the 07/15/2009 at 9:34am

toastygoat's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

toastygoat's favorite FMLs

Today, I lost my virginity, I think. Does it still count if she left halfway through, laughing? FML

#14449491
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48440) - you deserved it (9807)

On 01/03/2011 at 6:40am - intimacy - by Username -

Today, on the train, I was bitten by a homeless man. FML

#14377824
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38878) - you deserved it (3913)

On 12/29/2010 at 2:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I put my old kitchen table at the end of my driveway with a free sign on it. Later, I saw my neighbor drag it to his yard with a $50 for sale sign on it. It's now gone. FML

#14255221
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10952) - you deserved it (31827)

On 12/19/2010 at 12:41am - misc - by synyster505 - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I woke up to a man stroking my leg while smelling my hair. I asked my roommate who he was and she said, "Oh, that's just my brother. He needs a place to stay and he will be living with us until June. Didn't I tell you that?" No, you didn't. FML

#13948319
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30756) - you deserved it (2374)

On 11/23/2010 at 10:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had a small gathering of family and friends over to celebrate my son's baptism. One of my friends happens to be a police officer. The entire event consisted of him arresting three of my family members. Don't worry, he came back to get some cake. FML

#13756380
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23811) - you deserved it (3788)

On 11/07/2010 at 8:09pm - misc - by jadehin (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was eating lunch at McDonald's when an older man sat down at the table next to me and told me I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. I'm a 20 year old man. FML

#13715432
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30248) - you deserved it (5285)

On 11/04/2010 at 3:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML

#13692696
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21985) - you deserved it (8635)

On 11/02/2010 at 8:57pm - misc - by StayPositive - United States (Maine)

Today, I was on Skype with a guy I really like, in the living room. My dad saw that I was on video chat, got undressed, right down to his bright green y-fronts, and then started dancing behind me. My crush saw it all. FML

#13536412
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35185) - you deserved it (6587)

On 10/21/2010 at 11:20am - misc - by maddiee. (woman) - Indonesia (Jakarta Raya)

Today, I came home to find my drunken father sitting on our front lawn. He had a blanket, lit candle, and was singing with his eyes closed. He told me he believed he was Buddha from watching the history channel. Meanwhile, cars were driving by our house beeping, and yelling "praise the lord!" FML

#13120508
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23097) - you deserved it (2452)

On 09/19/2010 at 10:13pm - misc - by embaressed (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets the same amount of entertainment out of tickling me and having sex with me, and he likes the tickling noises better. FML

#12782161
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24586) - you deserved it (6718)

On 08/28/2010 at 1:49am - intimacy - by JessykaB - United States

Today, my four year old told my mother-in-law that our house is haunted because she hears a ghost at night saying "oh" and daddy's name as if they're hurt. FML

#12361153
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27894) - you deserved it (16659)

On 08/06/2010 at 10:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, it appears that my upstairs neighbour has decided to learn how to play the trombone. FML

#8585714
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22483) - you deserved it (2447)

On 02/23/2010 at 10:45am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my pet hedgehog thought it would be funny to roll around in the kitty litter. It was like washing a poopy cactus. FML

Today, I logged onto Facebook and saw that I had a message from my ex boyfriend. It's only been two weeks since we broke up and I assumed he sent me a message begging for me to take him back. He wanted to apologize for sleeping with my sister last night. FML

#7050852
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32565) - you deserved it (4906)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:01am - love - by 12345678 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my entire extended family was over for Christmas. I opened a gift to see that it was a fruitcake and saw everyone looking at me, smiling. This is their way to tell me that they know I'm gay and that they accept me. I'm straight. FML

#6940089
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32624) - you deserved it (3292)

On 12/25/2009 at 2:34pm - misc - by notgay (man) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #2: In slow-moving hell
  • It was once a dream, now it’s come true. We’re at the place that was allocated months ago for preprogrammed, enforced holiday fun time. We’ve put on some cargo shorts, slipped on some of those…

Wednesday 13 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: