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tikimuppet's favorite FMLs
by loser / 01/03/2010 at 7:00am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend called me 80 times in 5 minutes. I had previously told him I was with my friends. He left me a voicemail proposing saying he loved me to death and he was crying. We've been dating for a week. FML
by anonymous / 12/28/2009 at 8:21pm / United States (Indiana) / Love
Today, I was told by 'Seventeen' to add liquid highlighter to my foundation for an all-over glow. Little did I know that liquid highlighter is an actual makeup product. I now have an awful rash due to applying the ink from a highlighter pen. FML
by rtrim29 / 12/26/2009 at 11:18am / United States (Florida) / Health
Today, I got a new laptop for Christmas. The picture on the box showed a woman balancing it on one finger to show how light it was, so I tried it myself. I dropped my laptop, breaking the hard drive and putting a massive crack down the screen. FML
by Anonymous / 12/26/2009 at 7:43am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
by jibberish / 11/21/2009 at 7:15pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a YouTube video of a guy scratching a knife and a screwdriver on his iPod, and at the end he showed how there were no scratches and the screen was still clean. I took my iPod touch and did the same with a knife. It didn't work. FML
by MgmEboy / 09/19/2009 at 5:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by ouchh / 09/11/2009 at 4:46pm / United States (California) / Animals
by mylifesucks / 08/30/2009 at 12:40pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by Michelle / 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
Today, my husband and I were in bed, and just as I was about to finish he screamed, "Oh shit! It's 4:15, my strawberries are gonna whither!!!!" and then jumped off me and went to check on his farm on FarmVille. An imaginary farm, on Facebook. FML
by demk / 08/20/2009 at 10:51am / United States (New York) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/16/2009 at 1:14pm / United States (Kansas) / Love
Today, while having sex I realized two things. First, I can't remember the last time my boyfriend gave me an orgasm, and secondly I think the curtains slightly clash with the duvet cover. I was more annoyed with the second one. FML
by vicgal / 08/14/2009 at 2:33pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML
by bubbalicious / 08/13/2009 at 4:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, a friend of mine was talking about how he'd spent over 30 hours on Call of Duty. I piped up and said "Oh yeah! Well I've spent well over 300 hours on Morrowind! Beat that!" To which he replied, "I've had sex. Beat that!" I couldn't. FML
by Morrowindwhore / 08/10/2009 at 6:22pm / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/04/2009 at 2:41am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 2Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…