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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
This isn't what should be happening
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tikimuppet's favorite FMLs
by insomnitude / 03/05/2011 at 1:55am / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
Today, I noticed my new neighbor had taken the liberty of putting up signs all around their lawn overnight. There are at least a dozen signs detailing the various reasons everyone on the planet is condemned to hell. FML
by Anonymous / 03/03/2011 at 1:33pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
by Anon. / 03/01/2011 at 6:51pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by Anon. / 02/07/2011 at 12:44pm / United Kingdom (Bradford) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/05/2011 at 4:01am / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Health
Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML
by Malakai / 02/02/2011 at 12:57am / United States / Kids
Today, it was my daughter's birthday. She had been wanting a cat for a long time, so I went to the animal shelter and got an orange one. As soon as she saw it, she ran upstairs screaming, "GINGER! GINGER!" She refuses to come downstairs until I get rid of "the soulless creature." FML
by Anonymous / 01/19/2011 at 10:44pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked "No martians have crawled into my uterus, then?" She didn't get it, and I had my head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital. FML
by Anonymous / 01/17/2011 at 9:08pm / United States (New York) / Health
by niiiiiiiiiikki / 01/08/2011 at 3:35pm / United States (Kansas) / Work
Today, I went to use the public restroom. As I saw the toilet paper was out, I could see there was some hanging down from the other stall. As I went to grab it, I felt a hand grab mine and a voice ask seductively, "what were you reaching for?" FML
by reesemaster / 11/22/2010 at 7:18pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I tried opening a can for the first time using a manual can opener. I tried for a half hour to open a can of ravioli, mutilating the can in the process. Only after watching five Youtube videos on how to use a manual can opener did I notice the pull-tab on the top of the ravioli can. FML
by Anonymous / 11/10/2010 at 12:14pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by single / 11/09/2010 at 9:10pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, our class was focusing on discrimination, and our teacher asked us if anyone had ever felt discriminated against. I put my hand up to share a story, and my teacher immediately said "It's because you're ginger, isn't it?" That's not what I was going to say. FML
by gingerninja / 11/02/2010 at 1:43pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/30/2010 at 1:07am / New Zealand (Taranaki) / Kids
- Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me that he listened to me yesterday: I said that I loved unusual… Today, while on holiday in Morocco, I got arrested by a cop. “Sir, you were driving at 90 instead… Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he…