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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
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tikimuppet's favorite FMLs
Today, my constant bragging to friends caught up with me, and everyone believes I'm a swinger. Because of this, no girl wants to go out with me, in case they become just another notch under my belt. The truth is, I'm still a virgin. FML
by Anonymous / 07/23/2011 at 7:53pm / United States / Love
by Baconcook3000 / 07/23/2011 at 7:00am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/22/2011 at 9:10pm / United States (New York) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/22/2011 at 2:29am / United States (Texas) / Love
by Yoda / 07/08/2011 at 1:23am / United States (New York) / Geek
Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML
by Fmylife / 07/06/2011 at 5:17am / United States (Washington) / Health
by beardedlady / 07/02/2011 at 2:44am / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy
Today, on the bus, a delusional old man had an extremely long conversation with me, referring to me as "Leslie" and talking about "our childhood together". Not wanting to hurt his feelings I played along. At his stop he got up and grinned at me, saying "I'm kidding. I never knew a Leslie in my life. Nice rack." FML
by Anonymous / 06/26/2011 at 2:12am / United States (Indiana) / Transportation
Today, after eighteen years of living with my adoptive parents, I met my biological mum for the first time. She's a forty year old, 300lb American woman who wears 'Twilight' t-shirts and will be spending the rest of her visit to the UK trying to find Robert Pattinson. She says I remind her of herself. FML
by Adoptee / 05/22/2011 at 7:09pm / United Kingdom (Leicestershire) / Kids
Today, it was raining heavily. I saw a large puddle by the edge of the road near with a passing lady. Thinking it would be funny to splash her, I swerved to hit the puddle. The puddle was deeper than I thought. I lost control of the car, spun out, and hit two parked cars. FML
by Anonymous / 05/21/2011 at 2:22am / United States (Utah) / Transportation
by Burnt / 05/02/2011 at 5:33am / United States (Texas) / Health
by nomorexbox / 04/26/2011 at 3:20pm / United States (Georgia) / Geek
by Username / 04/21/2011 at 2:30pm / United States / Intimacy
by killercow / 04/19/2011 at 12:19pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by Username / 04/16/2011 at 1:14am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I found out that my older brother has been watching incest porn. I am now scared to go home… Today, after getting my husband off before bed, he decided he wasn't going to get me off tho I was… Today, I found out my girlfriend has a beastiality fetish...After letting her dogsit for a week. FML