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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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tikimuppet

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tikimuppet
  • Town/Country : devon, england
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 11 December 1990 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 3166
  • Number of comments : 134
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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tikimuppet's favorite FMLs

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

#18954927 (302)

I agree, your life sucks (17751) - you deserved it (2856)

On 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States

Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML

#18593025 (396)

I agree, your life sucks (4284) - you deserved it (9771)

On 12/23/2011 at 9:49pm - health - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML

#18483356 (257)

I agree, your life sucks (13946) - you deserved it (1775)

On 12/11/2011 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I got into a car accident. The other party left the scene immediately after without exchanging insurance information. Deer can be so rude. FML

#18267814 (146)

I agree, your life sucks (8172) - you deserved it (2232)

On 11/16/2011 at 9:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a blind date with a really cute guy. Just when I was about to invite him back to my place for a nightcap, he took out a catalog of Russian mail-order brides and asked for my help in picking out the best one. FML

#17892754 (53)

I agree, your life sucks (17207) - you deserved it (1802)

On 10/03/2011 at 12:15am - love - by NotRussian (woman) - United States

Today, I caught my boyfriend of two years cheating on me. Instead of the usual excuses, he panicked and claimed he was my boyfriend's long-lost twin brother. He even tried to put on a fake accent. FML

#17779668 (169)

I agree, your life sucks (13074) - you deserved it (1083)

On 09/19/2011 at 10:26am - love - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my school voted for a Pokémon theme for this year's homecoming. FML

#17773811 (136)

I agree, your life sucks (22780) - you deserved it (9750)

On 09/18/2011 at 5:16pm - misc - by ohgodwhy - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

#17767423 (43)

I agree, your life sucks (21566) - you deserved it (6059)

On 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm - kids - by awesomekidsmum - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML

#17589386 (716)

I agree, your life sucks (22600) - you deserved it (32954)

On 08/26/2011 at 9:13pm - kids - by f*ckingdisgusted - United States

Today, my beloved pet chicken ran away from home. I got so distraught that my dad offered to buy me dinner. Specifically, KFC. FML

#17538600 (193)

I agree, your life sucks (20320) - you deserved it (3795)

On 08/21/2011 at 2:23pm - animals - by xXangelaXx - United States

Today, I took my Catholic girlfriend home to meet my family for the first time. My brother thought it would be civil to spend over an hour insulting her religion and explaining in detail the many ways in which "the Force" is superior. FML

#17521930 (107)

I agree, your life sucks (9204) - you deserved it (1680)

On 08/19/2011 at 6:36pm - love - by Jace - United Kingdom (Aberdeen City)

Today, was the first day of my sophomore year. While receiving my schedule, I burst into tears at the sight of a disfigured midget. I'm now seen as the school bitch for making fun of a midget. I have a genuine fear of midgets. FML

#17438287 (413)

I agree, your life sucks (13378) - you deserved it (27166)

On 08/11/2011 at 5:35am - misc - by maryrain - United States (Louisiana)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML

#17367544 (467)

I agree, your life sucks (5692) - you deserved it (73617)

On 08/04/2011 at 2:28pm - money - by Joe - United States (Florida)

Today, in health class, I raised my hand and asked if you could get an STD from dogs. I have officially now ruined any extremely small chance I had of being popular. FML

#17304355 (283)

I agree, your life sucks (7277) - you deserved it (48332)

On 07/30/2011 at 12:38am - animals - by loser4life - United States (Colorado)

Today, my constant bragging to friends caught up with me, and everyone believes I'm a swinger. Because of this, no girl wants to go out with me, in case they become just another notch under my belt. The truth is, I'm still a virgin. FML

#17233163 (231)

I agree, your life sucks (7398) - you deserved it (60269)

On 07/23/2011 at 7:53pm - love - by Anonymous - United States