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50 favourites
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Today, it was my first day on the job as a first grade teacher. One student pushed another, so I asked him to apologize. His response? "If you boss me around, I'll tell Daddy you touched me somewhere you shouldn't have." I think I'm now this kid's slave. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28143) - you deserved it (2450)
On 08/29/2011 at 7:59pm - kids - by slavelaborsux (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5435) - you deserved it (48236)
On 08/16/2011 at 6:17am - animals - by NaniNarcotic - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I found out the medications my doctor gave me for depression are making me fat. My main reason for depression is an eating disorder. Now, I'm fat instead of just thinking I am. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28243) - you deserved it (4984)
On 06/15/2011 at 8:24pm - health - by DarkMaskDiva (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was given a new nickname at work due to my boss always confusing me with one of my co-workers who is taller than me. Someone suggested he just call us the same name to make it simpler, and the tall one would be big and the short one little. Everyone at my job now calls me Little Dick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33226) - you deserved it (3323)
On 06/10/2011 at 4:09am - work - by lilben (man) - United States (California)
Today, I finally found out what that weird smell in my apartment was. My ex-boyfriend had been breaking into my apartment and hiding rotting fruit all over the place. I found this out when a ceiling panel fell and a swarm of fruit flies attacked me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28620) - you deserved it (3212)
On 05/30/2011 at 8:33pm - animals - by thiswouldonlyhappentome (woman) - Aruba
Today, an unpaid intern had his first day at my workplace of seven years. As a joke, my boss gave him the same challenge she gave me on my first day. The intern completed it in 37 minutes. We've always been told it's impossible. Guess we all have to start working harder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9287) - you deserved it (25082)
On 05/09/2011 at 1:33pm - work - by 19apollo91 (man) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)
Today, I was walking through my kitchen when I discovered a weak spot in the floor. Tomorrow, I'm going to have to fix the giant hole caused when I put my foot through it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18996) - you deserved it (3354)
On 05/07/2011 at 5:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was from myself: a positive pregnancy test. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16123) - you deserved it (61465)
On 12/18/2010 at 12:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I woke up to the face of Billy, the puppet from Saw, staring down at me. I was so scared, I wet myself instantly. It was my cousin in a mask, who is staying over for Thanksgiving weekend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19805) - you deserved it (4400)
On 11/25/2010 at 7:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was so lonely that I had a 3 hour conversation with a one-legged cricket I found in my room. I'm keeping him. He has a name. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25072) - you deserved it (8219)
On 11/03/2010 at 12:39am - misc - by nk (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I decided to be adventurous and give my boyfriend head in the downstairs tv room. Just as he was about to cum I heard someone walking towards the door. I took my mouth off to get up and lock the door just as he came. Didn't make it to the door but my dad saw something he will never forget. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8776) - you deserved it (25956)
On 10/24/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by stickyface (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, on the train, I was sitting next to a cute girl I didn't know. She fell asleep on my lap by accident and I just let her for the whole train ride. This is the closest I've ever been with a woman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27521) - you deserved it (4597)
On 05/28/2010 at 7:30pm - love - by comfylap (man) - United States (California)
Today, I learned two important facts: #1 A grown man can, in fact, get beaten up by a teenage girl, and #2 If someone is convinced you are someone else, there is no telling them otherwise. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21387) - you deserved it (2779)
On 05/21/2010 at 1:04am - health - by mrmidi - United States (Oregon)
Today, while trying to pull a nail out of some wood with a crowbar in my theatre class, my girlfriend, who was holding down the wood with her foot, thought it would be funny to move her foot and make me lose my balance. Instead, the crowbar flew up and struck me in the nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17846) - you deserved it (2147)
On 03/03/2010 at 6:13am - misc - by ouch... (man) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I got into my boyfriends car having to pee really badly. I accidentally peed everywhere. He kicked me out. I had to walk four miles home in 20 degree weather. In wet clothes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9626) - you deserved it (29019)
On 02/23/2010 at 5:10pm - misc - by whyme_ss - United States (Massachusetts)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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