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50 favourites
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Today, I tried channeling Mr. Miyagi by catching a fly with my bare hands. It turned out to be a wasp. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18092) - you deserved it (41978)
On 05/05/2013 at 7:30pm - misc - by FML136969 - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML
I agree, your life sucks (54735) - you deserved it (7713)
On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51384) - you deserved it (3349)
On 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was taking a dump in the bathroom. The lights turned off and I was too embarrassed to come out of the stall. The janitor walked in, turned the lights on and asked If anyone was there. I stayed quiet. He turned the lights back off and locked me in the bathroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15322) - you deserved it (51920)
Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44081) - you deserved it (3947)
On 04/27/2013 at 8:42am - health - by seekerglow176 - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39558) - you deserved it (5022)
On 04/24/2013 at 2:49pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69802) - you deserved it (3085)
On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States
Today, I posted a video of a dance I choreographed on Facebook. I got a notification a few hours later telling me that my grandpa had also shared it. His caption? "My granddaughter dances like a gay baboon and this dance sucks balls. Throw grapes at her." Thanks grandpa. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42440) - you deserved it (8123)
On 04/19/2013 at 3:27am - misc - by thanks gramps - Canada (Yukon Territory)
Today, I was riding my bike home from the store. Wanting to impress some passers-by, I tried to do a trick on a sharp turn. I hit a pole with my balls. As I was lying on the ground in agony, a guy pulled over, took a picture, and took off laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20806) - you deserved it (41734)
On 04/18/2013 at 5:02pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Bulgaria (Sofiya)
Today, I woke up to my brother chopping all my bangs off. When I yelled at him, he could only shout back, "You can see clearly now, the bangs are gone!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (44182) - you deserved it (7051)
On 04/17/2013 at 12:13pm - kids - by my dumb bro - United States (Arkansas)
Today, in my psychology class we were covering OCDs. I have an issue with creased paper and my best friend brought it up, so for the next hour my class mates sat screwing up paper to see how long I could continuously have a panic attack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42514) - you deserved it (5447)
On 04/17/2013 at 6:20am - health - by Annieisnotokay - United Kingdom
Today, at the exact moment that I leaned over to show my dad a picture on my phone, my boyfriend texted me: "I'm no weather man, but you can expect a few inches tonight." FML
I agree, your life sucks (55160) - you deserved it (10100)
On 04/17/2013 at 1:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40755) - you deserved it (4305)
On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was chatting with a co-worker, and she mentioned she has trouble swallowing pills. I replied that I'm lucky, because I have next to no gag reflex. Half the guys at the other registers abruptly went silent, and I'm now being constantly hit on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28654) - you deserved it (13590)
On 03/28/2013 at 4:56pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - France (Champagne-Ardenne)
Today, I saw a lady who had fainted. I ran over to help, only to find out that she was unstable and had a knife in her hand. She was pointing it at me, and growled threateningly every time I tried to move away. It took the cops an hour to defuse the situation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28669) - you deserved it (2053)
On 01/29/2013 at 4:48am - misc - by thegirlofthedad (woman) - India (Maharashtra)
Monday 17 June 2013
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