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Mobility
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Today, I bought a top with some other things. I went to the restroom and had diarrhea, but there was no toilet paper in the stall. I had to use the receipt from the store. I then realized the clerk hadn't put the top in the bag. I needed that receipt to get the top. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40107) - you deserved it (9908)
On 05/29/2009 at 1:44am - misc - by suckerrrrr (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was shaving my balls with a blade razor because my electric trimmer had died and I had a big date with the girl of my dreams. I moved too quickly and accidentally knicked a vein in my scrotum. I had to hold gauze over my balls until the paramedics arrived. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27685) - you deserved it (43365)
On 05/28/2009 at 1:15pm - health - by ITguy1982 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24545) - you deserved it (106471)
On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24545) - you deserved it (106471)
On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I went shopping with my sister. Looking for something to say, I told her how one of my friends had been burgled. Then I realised it was Bree on Desperate Housewives. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13168) - you deserved it (43692)
On 05/17/2009 at 9:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Wexford)
Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50243) - you deserved it (39079)
On 05/16/2009 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by madzlovesgee (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39387) - you deserved it (15883)
On 05/08/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by ydahs (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while driving home I had to pee really bad. I decided to speed to get home quicker. I got pulled over for speeding and peed my pants. The cop, assuming I was drunk, made me take a sobriety test. I had to walk a straight line with piss all over my pants at 2:00 in the afternoon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49034) - you deserved it (8226)
On 05/06/2009 at 3:11pm - misc - by jojo (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14 year old boy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75936) - you deserved it (203179)
On 05/04/2009 at 2:12am - love - by Iman (man) - United States (California)
Today, the fire department chief stopped me as I was walking home from school and asked me where the fire was. When I looked at him blankly, he said I had been waving my hands around like an idiot. I then had to explain that I had been dancing to a song on my ipod. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12338) - you deserved it (34926)
On 04/28/2009 at 11:07pm - misc - by Moe (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15081) - you deserved it (40736)
On 04/28/2009 at 5:49pm - love - by ugh (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, while on a run off campus with my german shepherd, I tried to impress a couple of hot fraternity guys playing football outside of their house. I broke out into a full sprint. I then got tangled in my dog's leash and fell straight in to a parked jeep knocking myself unconscious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11755) - you deserved it (40854)
On 04/27/2009 at 10:10pm - misc - by Radgirl (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, was my 16th birthday and I was supposed to be surprised with a new car. I have overheard my parents talking about bringing it home tonight while I was at a friend's house. We snuck back to my house to see them bring my car home. All I saw was my Dad crash my new car into a street lamp. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45339) - you deserved it (9719)
On 04/25/2009 at 8:44pm - misc - by crashednowcrushed (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I started my period. I am getting married tomorrow. So, not only am I going to be on my period for my wedding night and honeymoon, my best friend has to help me change my pad because my dress is so big. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64352) - you deserved it (6798)
On 04/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, was my birthday. I purposely didn't log onto facebook all day so that I could read all my birthday wishes at once. When I logged on at the end of the day I had one notification. My "friend" had commented on a picture of me, saying I looked like jabba the hut. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61114) - you deserved it (6678)
On 04/22/2009 at 3:42pm - misc - by happybirthday (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Monday 20 May 2013
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